00:53.8
including teeth whitening, bonding, dental veneers, and surgical crowns.
00:59.5
Whether it's urgent care or preventive treatment, she'll take care of you and your smile.
01:05.3
To schedule an appointment, call the clinic at area code 323-257-7582.
01:12.8
This episode is brought to you by Abba E-Services.
01:17.5
And the podcast will begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:23.8
Ladies and gentlemen, live at Paco's Place, Honoré.
01:31.3
Honoré, you don't go by Anthony, no?
01:34.6
No, who's that guy?
01:37.6
When your mom calls you, Anthony!
01:39.5
She goes, hey boy, get over here, clean up this mess, take out the trash.
01:43.8
How have you been, man?
01:44.6
I've been great, brother.
01:45.5
It's like, Deja, the first time you were here, you were part of the bleachers.
01:54.4
So, you sing, you produce.
02:00.9
Has it always been that way?
02:03.4
Yes, pretty much.
02:04.7
Starting with writing, and then a little bit of the singing, you know?
02:08.8
And then producing.
02:09.6
When did you find out that you could make a career out of singing?
02:15.6
Yesterday, kind of?
02:19.6
I want to say a few years ago, professionally.
02:22.1
You know, I've been doing this professionally.
02:23.4
I want to say, like, eight years now, you know?
02:26.0
And meaning professionally, like, getting paid for your work, you know?
02:29.7
Now, doing it for your Lolas in the living room, that's a whole, that's just a given.
02:33.9
Let's go back there.
02:36.3
Go back to the time that you can remember performing for your Lola.
02:39.0
Oh yeah, eight years old?
02:40.7
Put the mic closer.
02:42.6
Yeah, eight years old, you know?
02:45.3
Shout out to my Lola.
02:47.0
She's still around?
02:48.1
No, she's in heaven now.
02:49.3
Lola's in heaven.
02:50.7
But all my ates and everybody, they're still here.
02:53.7
Okay, so eight years old.
02:55.0
Honoré, eight years old.
02:58.4
Tell me about that story, because that's what sets you up to your future.
03:03.4
So, they encouraged you.
03:06.0
What was it like?
03:07.4
What was like was, what encouraged me was, the music, obviously, was great, you know?
03:12.2
What was the music then, do you remember?
03:14.6
You know, the good 80s and 90s music, you know?
03:17.8
What was your jam?
03:21.6
Eight years old, huh?
03:24.2
You know, well, I mean, in my household, you know, I have my five older sisters.
03:28.2
And so, they always played older music, different things.
03:30.8
So, you're the youngest?
03:32.0
Yeah, yeah, I'm the youngest.
03:36.7
Yeah, so it was a little wild.
03:38.5
Let's put that to the side.
03:39.8
That's the meat and potatoes, right?
03:43.9
But, you know, playing the old school, like those Stevie Wonders, the Prince,
03:48.2
the Michael Jacksons, the...
03:50.0
When Doves Cry, Purple Rain.
03:51.4
Yeah, yeah, all that stuff.
03:52.6
So, you know, and then being racially mixed, you know, because I have...
03:58.2
So, my dad is black and white, and my mom is Filipino.
04:09.0
So, it was a little wild coming up, you know?
04:11.8
Okay, you grew up where?
04:13.4
Philippines or here?
04:14.3
No, here in Pasadena, Altadena area.
04:23.0
What was it like just growing up?
04:24.8
See, a while ago, I was like, what was it like growing up discovering music?
04:28.9
Now, with five sisters, what was it like growing up?
04:32.7
It was kind of normal, you know?
04:34.5
I mean, I didn't really think about it.
04:35.9
I always wanted a brother, but never happened, you know?
04:39.8
But my sisters, they were on me.
04:41.7
They took care of me.
04:42.6
My oldest sister, she's actually took care of me the most.
04:45.4
Okay, let's go one by one.
04:47.2
Okay, sister number one.
04:49.9
Shout out to all the sisters of Honoré.
04:52.9
So, sister number one, be authentic, be nice, huh?
04:58.2
How did she treat you?
04:59.9
She treated me like her son.
05:01.3
You know, she actually raised me.
05:03.5
So, I call her my big mama, sis.
05:05.7
She took me under.
05:06.6
She's the one who braided my hair.
05:08.4
She got me ready for school.
05:10.3
She really took care of me.
05:11.8
She spanked me, whooped me enough, you know?
05:13.8
Like, did her best.
05:15.0
So, she's the one.
05:16.9
Sister number two.
05:17.8
Sister number two, Shelly.
05:19.5
She was my sister-sister.
05:21.0
Like, you could confide.
05:22.9
She was my favorite sister.
05:27.3
So, with Shelly, if she was your sister-sister,
05:32.7
she was someone you could talk to about anything?
05:38.8
So, she was a sis, you know?
05:41.4
No, no judgments, you know?
05:42.6
She did her best.
05:43.5
So, big mama would whoop you.
05:45.9
Shelly would be, come here.
05:47.8
Let's talk about it.
05:49.0
Come on, let me protect you, you know?
05:50.2
Like, oh my gosh.
05:51.0
Okay, sister number three, who is she?
05:56.1
She was a sweet sister.
05:58.1
I love her, you know?
06:00.3
Just, like, really nice, kind, you know?
06:04.7
Sister number four.
06:07.1
What's the gap between...
06:08.2
See, I wasn't asking about big mama and your age gap.
06:10.9
No, but with Jeanine, what's the age gap?
06:12.8
Yeah, they're like...
06:14.1
I wanna say a few years, maybe four years.
06:16.2
Three, four years, depending.
06:17.8
Okay, so Jeanine and you, how was that relationship?
06:25.3
She was like a firecracker.
06:27.7
Always going out with boys and hanging out and stuff, so...
06:30.1
Did she take you along?
06:33.4
A little bit, but not as much, yeah.
06:35.3
All right, so you were always...
06:36.6
You don't have to stay.
06:37.5
This is not your crowd.
06:40.1
Okay, who's number five?
06:43.3
She's like the baby sis, kinda.
06:45.8
She was all sweet and she got me in trouble a lot, though.
06:50.4
So you guys hung out, you and Melissa?
06:54.5
Your age gap was close enough?
06:58.3
I love them all, man.
06:59.4
So they all play a different role in my life.
07:02.1
So all of them were into music?
07:04.7
No, surprisingly.
07:05.8
I mean, they were fans of music, but never really pursued music the way I did.
07:10.8
So what made you pursue music?
07:14.2
I believe in my heart, just wanting to be a part of something.
07:20.3
Wanting to be a part of...
07:22.6
Without knowing it, like writing, it was hard for me to express myself.
07:27.9
So through writing, I was able to get my feelings out.
07:32.6
Okay, so when you say part of something, expressing yourself,
07:37.0
has this anything to do with identity?
07:39.9
Yeah, it always does.
07:42.3
Can we talk about that?
07:43.1
Are you comfortable talking about that?
07:44.9
JJ, ask you what's off the table.
07:47.2
Hold up, let's roll.
07:49.1
Okay, so growing up, and I had Kev Luna here.
07:53.7
He's a very good singer, mixed race.
07:56.1
And I asked him the same question.
07:57.7
I go, what was it like growing up?
07:59.3
And he was like, all about identity.
08:01.9
To us who actually can't relate, educate us.
08:06.2
And it's important because, have you been to the Philippines?
08:10.0
You know how slurry Filipinos can be?
08:14.6
Like to them, it's nothing.
08:16.5
But of course, it's something to the individual being focused on, right?
08:23.5
But what was it like finding your identity, coming to your own skin?
08:29.3
What was it like?
08:31.2
You know, when I look back at it all,
08:35.0
it took me 30 years to this point now to finally figure,
08:39.0
to be comfortable in my own skin.
08:41.7
And just going through the trials of life and figuring out,
08:45.2
where do I associate with?
08:46.9
And how do I feel comfortable?
08:49.6
And then just finally, like I said, 30 plus years now,
08:52.6
I'm finally feeling comfortable.
08:55.4
Who took over Jon Stewart?
09:00.2
This guy from South Africa.
09:02.6
Dang, can you, can you get off the top of my head?
09:08.0
He had a nice Netflix special and he talked about being black.
09:15.2
He's a mixed race, black and white.
09:19.1
Trevor, Trevor Noah.
09:20.8
That's the homie.
09:25.6
To the point that he actually, like if, like when I was watching his special,
09:29.9
he was educating everybody in the audience.
09:36.3
So now, growing up, right?
09:39.0
Father's side, mixed, mom, Filipino.
09:43.0
Where did you associate yourself with?
09:44.9
Was it more Filipino?
09:46.1
Was it more on the, on the, you know,
09:50.0
was it more on the, on your dad's side?
09:52.8
More on the dad's side because, you know, we, we, we stayed out here.
09:56.9
We only went to like my cousins, the Filipino side, like on the holidays,
10:01.3
you know, it's a typical, you know, and going over there, it's like, wow.
10:05.0
You know, it's like Disneyland.
10:07.1
We didn't really have much money, you know, very, very humble beginnings.
10:10.1
You know, my dad always made sure we had food on the table and somehow he was like a hustler.
10:14.6
So I don't know where he got his money, you know, cause he never really worked.
10:18.3
You know, he was like, well, my dad is a, he's a doctor.
10:21.1
My mom is a nurse, you know, none of that.
10:23.3
It was just, but he, he did what he could.
10:25.4
Well, he was a very artistic guy.
10:27.7
I loved him, you know, and I wanted to be like him to a point, but then around, you know,
10:33.4
eight years old, nine, you know, you start to kind of like get your independence.
10:36.7
I wanted to skateboard.
10:37.7
I didn't want to be like my dad.
10:39.2
I started to kind of disassociate, you know, he was more of like a worker.
10:42.6
Like, let's go change the oil in the car.
10:45.0
I'm like, no, I don't want to get my hands dirty.
10:46.9
You know, I was, I guess I was more of a pretty boy, you know, and then exploring
10:50.8
the arts of music.
10:53.0
Was he okay with you exploring the arts?
10:56.1
I guess when he talked to his friends, you know, eventually when I started to do like
10:59.4
little shows and...
11:00.5
No, no, no, let's go back to eight, nine.
11:02.8
Remember, let's...
11:05.2
He never took me out on like auditions and music stuff.
11:09.8
I wish he could have, you know, there was a couple of things and it was...
11:13.0
I wish he could have.
11:15.3
There's an impact, right?
11:16.9
Speak to the dads.
11:18.3
You know, I feel like you, you know, if you have kids, I don't, I don't know yet, you
11:25.2
But you were a kid.
11:27.0
And knowing like your dependence on your parents to guide you and, you know, for whatever
11:32.9
reason, it didn't happen for me.
11:34.1
Could it be maybe you were baby number six?
11:35.8
Like they were like tired already, kind of?
11:38.2
Maybe, but then being the only boy, it set you apart for sure, you know?
11:41.8
So I felt like, yo, because when people, they hear about my story, like, oh, you were
11:46.0
No, I was not spoiled.
11:47.1
I got all of my sister's hand-me-down clothes.
11:49.4
I had to wear those pink polos and all that stuff before Kanye did.
11:55.5
But coming up at that vital age, you know, like, you know, like, are you going to take
12:00.4
me to piano lessons?
12:01.4
Are you going to?
12:03.0
And then I was so ashamed, maybe not ashamed, but just like very quiet.
12:07.0
And I felt like...
12:07.9
More introvert-ish about you.
12:09.0
Yeah, very introvert-ish, you know?
12:10.2
And I wanted him to like take me under and say, hey, let's, what do you like to do?
12:15.9
That simple question, right?
12:17.8
That reaching out question from a father to a son, what would you like to do?
12:22.5
Or what would you like to be?
12:25.4
You never got that.
12:27.0
Versus what he thought he wanted me to be, you know?
12:29.8
So it was a little...
12:30.6
So there was a push-pull?
12:32.2
It seems like it.
12:32.9
But, you know, as a kid, you don't know what that means.
12:34.6
You're just like going through life.
12:37.4
Okay, mom, sisters.
12:39.0
So I think when I started to explore music, or before music, just writing, you know?
12:43.6
Because that's when I started to...
12:44.9
Expressing, right?
12:45.8
When did that come out?
12:47.0
The expression part?
12:48.5
Writing, probably journaling or poems?
12:51.7
When did that come out?
12:52.5
How old were you?
12:54.0
You know, I was kind of like a little player in school.
12:57.6
You know, I thought I was like a little girl.
12:59.5
The girls, you know?
13:01.2
Let's talk about that part.
13:02.2
Because being exposed to six women in the house,
13:06.6
did it make you more comfortable just approaching women and talking to them?
13:11.8
Remember, I'm taking this from
13:17.1
mixed race, finding identity.
13:21.6
Took you 30 years to be comfortable in your own skin.
13:25.0
So growing up, there's that certain insecurity, introvertedness, being introverted.
13:30.6
However, with the women, you were able to fit yourself into the playa.
13:38.6
You know, it opened my eyes to be more sensitive to women.
13:45.9
And you like what you like.
13:46.9
So I was like, wow, these girls are cute, you know?
13:49.3
And they thought I was kind of cute, you know?
13:50.8
So, and that's when the heart started to open up a little bit more.
13:54.7
And I was like, yo, like these feelings, I gotta write them down.
13:57.4
Couldn't talk about it verbally.
13:59.6
So I was the guy in school that would write a note and slide it to you, you know?
14:03.9
And hope that, hey, are you gonna like me or not, you know?
14:07.6
So I was that dude versus like the cool.
14:10.6
Yeah, I wasn't that guy.
14:13.0
Yeah, I was a sly, cute, quiet guy.
14:27.8
But within that, the writing of the poem.
14:30.7
It helped me a lot to understand.
14:32.5
That transcended into poems, to lyrics.
14:36.0
And that was my pathway towards music.
14:38.2
But then again, when did you pick up an instrument?
14:41.7
Did you just start creating beats?
14:44.0
Or what happened?
14:45.0
I didn't pick up any instruments at that time.
14:46.7
It was just more writing.
14:49.8
And then just going along, you know?
14:51.0
And then eventually, you know, as I got into 15 or something.
14:54.0
So before the age of 15, how did, like in school, did you expose yourself to band music?
15:00.6
How did you expose yourself?
15:02.4
A couple of choir classes.
15:05.9
What did your parents say when you did that?
15:07.5
They were just like, oh, it's cool.
15:08.9
But it was not like, we're gonna go to his house, his performance that night.
15:13.2
It was just weird.
15:14.3
So you were pretty much independent.
15:17.6
Independent artist to the fifth degree, bro.
15:22.6
Thinking about it like that.
15:23.8
Now it's hard to think like, dang, you know, I wish.
15:26.6
You know, it's like kind of that song, I wish from Stevie Wonder.
15:30.3
I wish they could have been there.
15:31.4
But what can you do?
15:33.0
You gotta keep moving.
15:34.2
Do the best you can.
15:38.0
Do you dance too?
15:40.2
Who did you get that from?
15:43.0
Probably my dad, for sure.
15:46.6
She's got four left feet, bro.
15:49.9
But God bless her.
15:51.9
I love you, mommy.
15:57.0
You started singing.
15:58.2
Did you know you can sing?
15:59.1
Like you said, eight years old, you would perform in front of Lola and the rest of the relatives.
16:03.8
When did you really realize that, you know what?
16:08.6
How old were you when that happened?
16:10.6
I want to say around 16, I guess.
16:14.8
So you were writing before 16.
16:17.0
So prior to that, you were just singing acapella thinking,
16:19.4
yeah, this could be the right melody for this.
16:23.4
Not knowing, but just singing along with whatever was on the radio or, you know, in the household.
16:28.6
And it came naturally.
16:32.6
It took some time to kind of develop, you know, but once again, no one really said,
16:39.4
hey, we're going to get you in singing lessons.
16:41.6
We're going to get you piano lessons.
16:43.5
I feel like, yo, if I was that kid, who knows where I could have been now.
16:47.8
But this is my journey, you know, and here I am.
16:51.6
You know, the reason why I'm peeling it like an onion is because a lot of kids have excuses.
16:57.2
I'm not hearing any excuse from you.
16:59.3
That's why I'm really going.
17:00.8
That's why I'm really.
17:03.4
Because all these challenges, all these obstacles would have, you know, some, some kid would
17:08.7
have just said, you know, F this.
17:10.7
I'm going to do something else or I'm going to give up.
17:14.2
So what made you pursue this in spite of.
17:20.1
I believe wanting to be a part of something bigger than myself and not knowing it until
17:25.7
like recently, like all this stuff really recently happened.
17:28.6
Like it came to fruition, I guess, as I'm a little bit older now, you know, mature.
17:35.0
And just grateful for the experience, bro.
17:37.4
You know, and not taking anything for granted.
17:39.6
And like you said, not making excuses, you know, because, yeah, I didn't have this.
17:43.4
But what did I do for those times?
17:46.9
I kept moving forward.
17:48.5
Like, like, like let's let's throw in challenges because this is this is very educational for
17:53.1
those watching instead of doing.
17:56.2
I mean, we're appreciating they're watching.
18:00.8
But hopefully after this episode, they'd start doing.
18:04.1
So, you know, I mean, a lot of wish list for that probably wish list for for mom, but
18:11.8
But you moved, you moved on.
18:15.7
Like, let's talk about writing poems after writing a poem.
18:19.5
Who would who would you who would be your sounding board?
18:22.1
Like in my case, when my mom was around, I could easily go down and say, mom, mom,
18:29.2
Like, who would you do that to?
18:30.6
Oh, I would do that to to God.
18:33.3
I wouldn't really expose it to people.
18:36.2
I wouldn't be like, hey, guys, listen to that.
18:39.0
I was like, kind of nervous, a little embarrassed.
18:42.9
This is you, your introvert self coming through that amplified.
18:48.2
So not everything that you did, you just kept it in a journal.
18:51.2
I kept it in a journal or to that girl that I like.
18:53.5
She may have done it, you know, but that's about it.
18:59.1
So now high school after high school, what'd you do?
19:02.2
High school after high school.
19:04.0
That's when things start to kind of like, like, what are you going to do?
19:07.4
You know, who said that?
19:10.2
Ah, what'd you say?
19:11.4
It was an opportunity.
19:12.5
I want to do music, dad.
19:13.6
You know what you said?
19:14.8
Yeah, I wanted to do it.
19:16.4
And at that point, what'd he say?
19:17.8
He's like, well, how are you going to make a living?
19:20.4
You know, I'm like, is he, is he strict?
19:22.6
You know, he wasn't strict at all.
19:24.0
He was just more of like, just a straight up type of dad, you know?
19:27.9
And one word answer.
19:31.0
And he's like, look, just be careful out there.
19:33.1
That was his way of saying it.
19:35.8
See, when you're younger, when you have like, in my case, I have like friends being mixed.
19:41.8
I have my white friends because I'm like, cool.
19:43.6
I'm part with white.
19:44.4
Let me hang out with them.
19:45.0
Let me go skateboard.
19:46.2
Black fans, let's go hang out and do whatever.
19:49.0
And you get to see the differences of their cultures, of how they associate with themselves.
19:53.7
And you're like, man, I wish I could have that.
19:57.0
So why, why, why did you pursue what they had?
19:59.0
Because you had, you had those privileges anyway.
20:07.6
You know, the division in families, when you're mixed sometimes, sometimes it's just weird.
20:14.4
Can you elaborate that?
20:17.3
I mean, for whatever, for whatever reason is the culture differences,
20:24.2
the way we eat, the way we deal with discipline and education and opportunities.
20:30.2
We didn't have a lot of opportunities in the black side.
20:33.0
We just didn't, you know, versus maybe on the Filipino side, you're already
20:37.4
in culture because you have money already.
20:39.4
You have opportunity.
20:40.6
Not to say that on the black side, you didn't.
20:42.9
You just have to make it.
20:43.8
You have to create opportunities.
20:44.9
How about the, who's white?
20:46.1
Your grandfather or grandmother?
20:49.7
So was she around when you were growing up?
20:51.5
You know, to the point where you see like this, my grandma, she's like a white lady.
20:55.0
And then you see my uncle.
20:56.3
He's like very dark.
20:57.8
And then you see this Filipino dude.
20:59.6
He's eating Luffy over here.
21:00.9
And this guy eating chicken.
21:02.4
It's like, it was very interesting.
21:03.8
Everybody's like, yeah, you're going to be like the next Matt Jackson.
21:06.0
And I'm like, no, I don't know what.
21:07.9
You know, you're going to be Prince.
21:09.3
I'm like, no, I'm not.
21:10.2
That was your Filipino relatives going.
21:13.8
He's going to be the next one.
21:14.9
It's like, you know, he's going to be the next one.
21:18.0
So, you know, that's your Michael Jackson.
21:21.0
So what, what motivated me when those dollar bills start flowing on the floor, you know,
21:26.6
make it rain, make it rain, Lola.
21:29.7
So how about your paternal grandmother?
21:32.5
Was she cool with you?
21:35.7
My paternal, all of them.
21:38.0
Very loving, very strict.
21:40.6
And I wish they were around to see me now.
21:43.4
You know, it's like, yeah, I know they're watching me from heaven.
21:46.6
Man, if they were here now, I would feel like they would give me a bigger hug, you know,
21:51.1
and say, you know what, you, you, you stayed at it, you know, and not to say, um, I, I gave up.
21:57.8
I may have taken breaks along the way.
21:59.5
Cause you know, you got to figure it out.
22:02.5
So let's go back to high school, going to college.
22:06.4
So what are you going to do now?
22:07.8
That's what you say.
22:11.1
He's like, well, how are you going to pay your bills?
22:12.6
And I said, well, I work, I work three or four jobs.
22:15.4
May I get no excuses, no excuses.
22:18.1
Um, 16, 17, you know, that's around the time we're 18.
22:22.5
That's when you get your car from the parents.
22:24.5
That's when you're like, you, you, you know, everybody's all excited.
22:27.4
You come home and there's a big bow of a, like a Toyota outside in the, in the, in the parking lot.
22:32.1
That never happened.
22:34.1
I wished it happened.
22:35.5
So what I did was I worked three jobs that summer.
22:39.5
Let's let that sink in.
22:41.1
Because a while ago you said, um, you're grateful.
22:44.9
You have a grateful heart.
22:46.2
Yet having a grateful heart does not stop us from aspiring.
22:51.0
You aspired to have that.
22:52.6
You, you wished you had that.
22:55.1
Never, never did.
22:57.0
But when it never came, was there, were you disgruntled?
23:06.1
I was disappointed.
23:07.8
Did you throw a fit?
23:09.5
No, I, you know, because that does nothing.
23:12.6
Were you still the quiet honoree at that point?
23:15.4
I was still kind of quiet, you know, and I just made it happen, dude.
23:18.2
I was like a Ninja.
23:19.1
Like, okay, if I'm not going to hear it, I don't want to hear the happening yet.
23:22.8
I want to bask in the emotion first because I want them to feel your emotion at this point.
23:29.4
Because a lot like right now, this generation.
23:33.8
Feeling entitled.
23:37.6
So let's, let's go back to you.
23:39.7
Youngest, the only son.
23:43.8
Coming of age, his moment to shine.
23:48.9
No pimp my ride is going to happen.
23:52.4
So when did you accept the fact that it was not going to happen?
23:57.4
Did they say it wasn't going to happen?
23:59.2
It was just like, you know.
24:00.6
Did you ask for it?
24:02.6
You know, cause I seen my friends, their dads bought them the cars.
24:06.0
And I was like, dad, what's up?
24:07.1
He's like, well, here you go.
24:08.8
I was like, what?
24:10.2
What in the world?
24:11.3
And I was grateful for it, but I'm like, okay, you get a radio plus and I'm looking around.
24:16.2
I went to the back, back of the house.
24:18.6
I just knew, but it didn't happen.
24:20.4
You, you were, you were hoping, right?
24:24.1
It didn't even have to be a new car.
24:25.4
Like you were going, is this, are you messing with me?
24:28.0
It's just like the pre-present, the pre.
24:31.7
And, uh, but my, you know, my dad, he did what he could, you know?
24:34.6
And I was like, all right, I gots to get to work.
24:37.8
Oh, did you say it's okay?
24:41.5
That did you say that?
24:42.5
No, I didn't say that in my heart.
24:45.3
And I was like, you know what?
24:46.4
My friends got a whip.
24:47.6
My other friends got whips.
24:48.8
They're all looking cool.
24:50.3
I don't want to be the passenger being the passenger side with his friends, right?
24:55.0
I don't want to be that dude.
24:56.0
I got to get my own.
24:57.1
So I, I worked three jobs that whole summer busting my butt to save up just $2,000.
25:03.0
And I bought me this old car, but it was my car.
25:05.9
It was a Mazda, like a Mazda sports car.
25:11.4
Old school, dude.
25:12.2
It was like an eighties car.
25:13.0
Like when I rolled up, it was like shaking and I, and I slammed the door.
25:16.9
But it was yours.
25:19.2
My sisters were sick.
25:20.2
They were like, yo, you got that?
25:22.0
I'm like, yes, I did.
25:23.2
I worked my butt off.
25:25.3
How did it make you feel?
25:26.6
It made me feel like this is, this is going to be.
25:31.0
That's significant by the way.
25:33.4
This is going to be the first step of the rest of my life.
25:37.0
Because I, not to say I can't rely on my parents, but I can only rely on myself.
25:43.4
And your parents at this point were getting older.
25:47.0
Because you're the youngest.
25:52.2
Started with the car, with the Mazda.
25:54.8
And then it was like, I got to get out of this house.
25:57.4
When you got the car, three jobs.
26:00.3
I mean, the car was validation that, you know what?
26:02.6
Hard work pays off.
26:05.7
How did, how did it shift your mind?
26:09.8
At that time, I didn't fully understand, but I just started to rely more and more on myself
26:15.0
versus asking for anything.
26:17.1
You were still introvert.
26:18.6
An introvert at this point.
26:19.8
Introverted and then slash independent.
26:23.4
And that's when it really became to play like, if I'm not making it happen,
26:27.0
I don't think it's going to happen.
26:28.2
I'm not going to wait for nobody to make it happen.
26:30.2
I can only do me.
26:33.1
Are you familiar with the Myers-Briggs?
26:36.2
Are you a Sigma kind of guy?
26:37.5
You're not Alpha.
26:39.6
He's more, he's more, he's more, you're more, you know, you research that, that you're more Sigma.
26:45.1
Wherein you're independent.
26:46.7
You are introverted.
26:49.4
You can do things by yourself.
26:52.6
You know what I mean?
26:53.6
That's your, that's your issue.
26:57.4
You know, I guess, you know, but yeah.
26:59.4
And from then, just kept going.
27:04.2
Let's talk about the kept going part.
27:06.7
Because that wasn't the only disappointment you had in life.
27:09.4
I'm pretty sure you had some.
27:11.1
What were some of the major disappointments?
27:13.3
With like family?
27:17.6
You know, I would just say, you know, just supporting certain events and different things.
27:26.4
Because then I started to like, I want to do music.
27:28.6
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I really enjoy it.
27:31.0
It makes me feel wanted.
27:32.9
It makes me feel good.
27:35.0
So now you're in college.
27:41.0
You answered dad's first question.
27:42.7
How are you going to support yourself?
27:45.4
Did you pursue music in college?
27:50.0
No, I ended up doing engineering.
27:52.6
No, I mean, I worked regular jobs, you know.
27:55.9
Who paid for college though?
27:59.9
And I'm debt free.
28:03.0
God bless you, brother.
28:04.3
I went to, I was out here in Pasadena.
28:08.3
I went to Pasadena City College for a few months.
28:10.1
And then I have family in Houston.
28:12.1
So I went to U of H.
28:13.7
And finished college there.
28:16.7
In business and music.
28:18.6
So just trying to figure it out.
28:21.8
You know, still, I wasn't sure.
28:23.8
But I'm like, I want to have a good business.
28:25.8
I'm not sure what.
28:26.6
At least let me get the knowledge of what I could do.
28:28.6
And some of the, and music.
28:30.6
And I took some music, some voice lesson classes too.
28:35.1
And they were like, yeah, you're not the best singer.
28:37.6
Let's get you back into basic class.
28:40.1
I was like, I took the intermediate.
28:41.8
And they were like, yeah, it was, it was bad.
28:46.1
So now, what was the turning point for you to leave the house?
28:52.3
Oh, turning point was when I got into a big fiasco with mommy.
29:00.2
Was mommy typically the typical Filipino, the stereotype that you do this?
29:04.6
Yeah, you do that.
29:05.5
And she had the, she had my chores on the wall, dude.
29:08.9
And I was like, I came home, I was skateboarding.
29:11.3
And I was like, you know, and my mom, my biological mom, my Filipino mom.
29:15.8
She never took care of me.
29:17.4
My big mama sis, my oldest sis, she was mama.
29:20.3
So she had left, got married.
29:22.0
She went, she moved to Houston.
29:23.6
So I'm here in the house.
29:25.5
I come home, I had my chores.
29:28.4
And it was on the kitchen.
29:29.9
And I took the paper down.
29:31.5
And my mom went ballistic, bro.
29:33.6
And she got mad at me.
29:35.0
And at that time, I just couldn't take it.
29:39.2
And I just called her a bee.
29:43.0
And I don't curse anymore.
29:44.3
But at that time, I thought I was like a crazy guy.
29:47.1
And I was like, I'm tired of you doing all this stuff to me.
29:50.4
And I called her a bee.
29:51.3
And I slammed the door, dude.
29:54.2
So it's really not good to not share, right?
29:57.0
Because they all pile up, right?
30:01.0
So then my dad came home.
30:02.5
He's like, yeah, I think we may need you to get to your sister's house or try to figure it out.
30:07.4
So we moved to big mama's house.
30:09.8
Yeah, I went to Houston.
30:11.0
And that's when I, so I'll go back and forth every summer.
30:14.0
But then I really tried to stay there.
30:16.5
And then eventually get in my own apartment.
30:19.4
So from Houston, you got your own apartment?
30:23.2
Here back here in LA or in Houston?
30:29.6
So what was your job as an independent?
30:32.2
Like now you have your own apartment.
30:34.8
What was, did you do a day job?
30:37.6
I did everything.
30:38.6
I was Chuck E. Cheese.
30:40.2
I was that dude with the suit, slinging tokens.
30:42.8
I was doing all that kind of stuff.
30:44.1
I worked security jobs.
30:48.1
A guy with a diploma.
30:49.7
I did a lot of stuff.
30:50.4
And then I worked in the office corporate a little bit.
30:54.4
I did anything I could, you know, to kind of like pursue my dreams, you know?
30:59.5
So what was the degree for?
31:02.8
It was in business.
31:05.0
Why even pursue that if you weren't going to do that right away?
31:08.6
You know what I mean?
31:09.8
I think because of the parents, like, you know, at least get something in business, you know?
31:13.4
It was one of those things that kind of stuck with me.
31:15.6
You know, this is for you.
31:16.9
Now, let me do me.
31:19.0
So I did that, you know.
31:21.4
All that helped, you know, because it gave me the tools to run certain things and learn principles.
31:27.0
Very important, right?
31:29.2
Because we want to be entrepreneurs.
31:32.0
So working the nine to five hustling, providing for yourself, still with the Mazda?
31:39.4
No, I leveled up, bro.
31:43.4
Yeah, I leveled up and, you know, I got me a Beamer, dude.
31:48.2
People thought I was a drug dealer and stuff, but I was like, yo, I gots to have it.
31:53.0
It wasn't the brand new one, but it was mine again.
31:56.6
It was a three series.
31:58.6
And then I had a Mustang too.
32:00.1
I was rolling, bro.
32:01.0
Like people thought like, yo, he's must be doing something.
32:03.6
But I was very legal.
32:05.0
Like I'm so clean, bro.
32:06.2
I don't do none of that stuff.
32:08.0
And you were single?
32:13.3
You were taking care of yourself, doing everything, you know, keeping your nose clean.
32:18.6
Everything on the table.
32:23.0
What made you go, you know what?
32:25.9
Time to be an entrepreneur.
32:27.8
When did you say that?
32:31.4
When did you know it was time?
32:33.2
I knew it was time when I, I want to say
32:37.4
when I came back from the Philippines, you know, was it 2008?
32:41.6
How long were you in the Philippines?
32:42.9
I was only there for a few weeks.
32:44.2
You were there and it opened your eyes to something.
32:47.4
What was the epiphany about?
32:51.2
It's like, yo, I want to live good.
32:53.4
You know, I want to, I think when you travel.
32:56.5
No, I don't think I know when you travel.
32:59.1
Because it opens your eyes, bro.
33:01.2
Like it's true, right?
33:02.3
Man, I'm telling you, like some of my friends never left the city blocks, you know,
33:06.6
they didn't even probably know what a passport was.
33:09.0
But when I got my passport and thank God to music, it really helped me.
33:13.4
Like when people want to pay me to travel across somewhere and I get to see stuff,
33:18.2
there's so many benefits within that, you know, and especially with the Philippines,
33:21.7
because I was able to see like, this is part of my culture.
33:24.7
I may not fully understand it.
33:26.3
I don't know Tagalog.
33:27.4
I know a few words, but this is part of me and no one can take that away from me.
33:31.7
And it's up to me to immerse myself as much as I can.
33:35.4
So when I seen that, I was like, yeah, this is awesome.
33:37.5
When I went to Bermuda, when I went to different India, I was like, yo,
33:41.2
this is this world is huge, bro.
33:43.3
And I love it all.
33:44.2
So, you know, I agree with you because when I was younger, I was like my friends,
33:49.4
I had friends who travel and I was like telling them, dude, I'd rather buy a car than travel
33:56.2
because at least I can see the tangible.
33:58.9
But after traveling, you've wasted your money and that's gone.
34:03.6
And they said, Paco, you're wrong.
34:05.7
Because when you travel, it's like an education in 3D.
34:11.0
It deepens the colors in your mind.
34:13.8
You know, we read it.
34:15.8
But man, it's nothing better to go to Africa.
34:18.2
And see you really pet a bear or something like that.
34:20.8
Or I mean, an elephant like, yo, a million dollars.
34:23.0
I hate petting a bear.
34:30.4
You come back with no fingers.
34:35.2
So it opened your eyes.
34:39.4
And then when you came back.
34:41.4
I was like, man, I want to do this more.
34:43.8
I really want to explore music more and do it really professionally.
34:50.7
And do it really professionally.
34:54.9
Aspiration is okay.
35:01.5
Running it in your head is okay.
35:03.9
But it's nothing compared to actually committing to it and doing it right.
35:10.3
Did your nerves get to you?
35:12.2
Like, am I really going to do this?
35:13.4
Am I going to do this?
35:14.8
What was the transition like?
35:17.4
You have commitments.
35:20.8
And then what made you shift?
35:23.4
Did you do this full time or did you blend everything in?
35:26.6
Because yeah, those bills is coming in no matter what.
35:29.1
So I was actually working for South Pasadena Unified.
35:33.7
Working with kids.
35:34.9
And I love kids, man.
35:36.2
Kids are the greatest.
35:39.0
Are you sprinkling breadcrumbs on their thoughts so that they can grow up into fine young people?
35:46.8
Because they look up to you.
35:49.6
I believe in role models.
35:51.9
Some people are like, no, that's the responsibility of the parents.
35:54.2
Yes, to a degree.
35:55.3
But if you're in the public eye.
35:57.6
I feel like there should be some accountability of what you say.
36:01.8
And for me, I can only be responsible for my brand.
36:04.3
So Honoré is associated with positivity.
36:07.8
Honoré is associated with good music.
36:11.6
I like the ladies.
36:13.8
It's done tastefully, right?
36:17.3
And the kids, man.
36:18.4
Because I have five sisters.
36:19.7
They all got kids.
36:20.8
So I've been around kids all my life, bro.
36:23.4
Being the babysitter.
36:24.3
Being the cool uncle.
36:25.8
Sometimes being in the delivery room.
36:27.5
Seeing them like, yo, I don't want to see my sister like that, man.
36:30.2
They're like, are you the dad?
36:31.2
I'm like, no, I'm the brother, you know?
36:33.7
So doing that with a school district and then transitioning into entrepreneurship.
36:39.9
Was it difficult?
36:42.0
Yeah, it was all that.
36:43.7
It was because of taking a chance on your dreams, bro.
36:50.2
Taking a chance on your dream.
36:52.1
Yeah, because we're comfortable with the paychecks coming in every two weeks.
36:55.9
Preach that, huh?
36:56.6
Because a lot of people are at the crossroads.
36:58.9
Yeah, especially with me because I didn't have anything to back up on.
37:03.0
My dad had passed years ago.
37:04.9
I take care of my mom since my dad had passed.
37:07.2
And this is the reason when I came back from the Philippines,
37:09.5
when I seen like this is what I wanted to do,
37:11.8
dad had passed and I had to deal with that.
37:13.9
So that's why my career kind of stopped for the Philippines.
37:17.1
And a lot of the Filipinos, not a lot, but the people that remember me,
37:20.6
like what happened to you, bro?
37:22.4
And now I'm finally at a comfortable place to talk about my story,
37:28.1
There's some value with it.
37:30.9
But yeah, just being able to break away from the corporate sector to say,
37:35.5
look, I'm going to invest everything I have.
37:37.3
I may only have $500 in the bank,
37:39.7
but I'm going to utilize this to make it work.
37:41.4
So you're investing in yourself.
37:43.5
Yeah, invested in myself.
37:45.0
And the money that I did make on the road,
37:47.0
I got the little keyboards.
37:48.2
I got the little interfaces.
37:50.5
Once I learned that, I traded it in, got the bigger ones,
37:53.7
you know, to be able to get to a point where I have a full-fledged studio
37:57.4
to help not just myself, but to help others.
38:01.0
How does it feel now?
38:03.4
Once again, like I said, it took me 30 years to figure this out.
38:07.1
So finally it's happening.
38:09.5
And now here in LA, you're plugged into the Filipino community.
38:13.3
How did that happen?
38:14.8
It really happened during COVID.
38:17.7
Well, let me go back.
38:18.6
When I went to the Philippines and I was at the Araneta,
38:21.4
I was little me, bro, singing my songs at the Araneta.
38:25.1
Pussycat Dolls, Nicole.
38:28.2
Spell her last name.
38:34.9
You know, Nicole, the rest of the girls.
38:38.7
Man, it was great.
38:39.5
And shout out to, I want to send a shout out to Riza.
38:41.8
Riza Pascua, one of the best.
38:44.2
She's the one who started it all for me.
38:47.4
You have to give the people their props.
38:50.1
And if it wasn't for her.
38:52.0
Shout out to you, Riza.
38:53.8
So if it wasn't for Riza, I would have never been exposed to any of this.
38:58.3
I would have just been like the kid, mixed kid in America.
39:01.1
So I thank God for her.
39:03.0
She opened the doors for me.
39:05.0
How'd you meet her?
39:06.0
I met her through, what's the guy's name?
39:10.2
He had a big event at Magic Mountain with Jasmine Triaz.
39:13.7
And we're all young, dude.
39:15.4
Dude, when was this?
39:17.0
That's back in the day.
39:18.8
So we're like 17, 18.
39:20.5
Because she was handling Jasmine Triaz at the time.
39:26.2
And Riza was like, yo, let me see what we can do with you, bro.
39:30.2
And I had a song, Let's Stay Together, remake from Al Green.
39:35.0
And it blew up over there, bro.
39:36.4
And it was enough for them to be interested in me.
39:39.3
So I went over there and Riza says, let's go.
39:42.5
I'm going to see what we can do.
39:44.0
And they embraced me, bro.
39:45.4
It was kind of crazy.
39:47.2
Culture shock because I didn't know what to say, how to act.
39:50.6
I was acting too Black, too American, not Filipino enough.
39:54.7
But I'm very grateful for her.
39:56.7
And I haven't seen her in a while.
39:59.0
She's actually in charge of what?
40:00.3
Live Nation for the Asia Pacific.
40:02.2
So call me up, Riza.
40:04.1
But I definitely want to give it up to her.
40:06.1
But then now, I want to give it up to Ate McDiaz.
40:11.7
This episode is brought to you by Dr. Lourdes Capulon.
40:15.9
Because during COVID times, she was the one who was really
40:19.3
working with a lot of film artists.
40:21.7
And somehow, she reached out to me on Facebook and says,
40:23.9
hey, Honore, you want to be a part of this?
40:26.9
And I thought about it like, because I was kind of salty
40:29.0
towards the Philippines.
40:29.7
I was like, they didn't embrace me the way I should.
40:32.1
You know, I was kind of feeling really bad about it.
40:34.6
I didn't think they accepted me, even though it was cool.
40:37.6
And I was like, let me give it another shot.
40:42.2
I'm trying to be.
40:44.0
And I have something more to say versus just trying to be
40:46.5
the cool, sexy guy.
40:47.8
Like, so many of those.
40:49.4
But what else do you got?
40:52.8
What else do you have?
40:54.6
Do you have something else in between here?
40:56.6
Do you have something sustainable within your music
41:01.4
And I think that's...
41:02.8
I mean, these are good questions.
41:04.7
And I hope you guys really rewind and write those questions down.
41:09.0
Because, you know, the prettiness and all the filters.
41:13.3
It's like, I mean, it's great.
41:14.9
It's necessary to a degree.
41:17.1
But for me, I can only speak for myself.
41:19.0
Like, if I'm going to jump back into this game, especially in
41:21.6
the Filipino market, what's going to make me different?
41:25.0
You know, I'm already going to be different, but more.
41:30.2
And now I feel like more comfortable to talk about the
41:32.4
story besides the music.
41:35.3
Like, did you go to jail?
41:37.3
We haven't seen you in years, bro.
41:38.8
I was like, nah, man.
41:39.6
I'm not trying to go to jail for nobody.
41:41.7
But this is the reason.
41:42.6
Dealing with my dad.
41:43.8
And then dealing with my sister Shelly.
41:46.6
That's two people that you love the most that you got to deal
41:51.0
Shelly's number two.
41:52.7
So I had to, like, figure out what am I going to do now?
41:56.3
And through it all, and COVID and all that stuff, I just
42:00.8
I created a new album.
42:03.0
And now I'm back with the Philippines, you know?
42:06.2
And just, like, I want to share my story because I feel
42:08.1
like they should know about me.
42:09.7
How did you deal?
42:10.2
Where were you when your dad died?
42:14.6
No, when I found out the news, I was on my way to the
42:18.0
I was about to board the plane.
42:21.5
My sister called me and she goes, Dad just passed.
42:24.1
And I was about to board the plane to go see him.
42:30.2
And, you know, his health deteriorated, you know?
42:33.8
And I'm like, man, Pop.
42:35.0
I didn't get a chance to say.
42:36.7
It probably deteriorated when you left for Texas.
42:39.0
Anyway, don't just.
42:46.8
Let's hypothetical, huh?
42:49.2
Could it be you and your dad have the same traits?
42:55.4
Think about it, huh?
42:56.8
Like, yeah, he had a lot to say, probably.
43:05.8
I'm not doing a make this on you.
43:07.1
Don't worry about it.
43:09.8
You're like, I'm not.
43:14.1
No, but I'm just thinking.
43:16.2
Because because he's, I mean.
43:21.8
Could be, you know?
43:24.2
You know, he's in me.
43:27.0
So he's on the way home.
43:28.7
Who gave you the news?
43:32.7
My big mama says she called me right before I boarded the plane, bro.
43:36.2
So I was like, what do you do?
43:38.5
I'm on the plane.
43:39.1
I didn't cry because I'm like, I'm by myself again.
43:42.5
I'm like, I'm always by myself, bro.
43:44.5
Like, it's weird, bro.
43:46.0
But I got on the plane because I was going to go see him.
43:49.5
But I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, you know?
43:52.2
So I got on the plane.
43:53.2
Soon as I touched down, I had to go into business mode.
43:56.4
Funeral arrangements.
43:57.8
Doing all this weird stuff that I never had to deal with.
44:00.0
Being the man now, right?
44:02.2
And then my mom was there.
44:03.6
Biological, yeah.
44:05.0
And I said, mom, when we go back home, you're coming back with me.
44:07.3
I'm going to take care of you.
44:09.2
The mom that never took care of me.
44:14.1
And we have a great relationship now.
44:16.8
Your dad took care of your biological mom.
44:21.4
I was grateful to have them both.
44:23.2
And now you have your dad in you.
44:25.8
And now your dad's legacy is alive and well.
44:30.6
Taking care of you.
44:32.1
I mean, dude, such blessings.
44:34.5
I mean, the turn of events.
44:37.9
So now that you're comfortable in your own skin,
44:44.6
now that you have closure in some parts of your life,
44:47.4
how about the rest?
44:48.2
Are you okay leaving them open-ended?
44:52.5
You know, life happens.
44:55.0
It's all a matter of how you deal with it.
44:57.8
I've dealt with it the best way I could.
45:01.4
And I'm still here.
45:03.0
You know, I'm still standing like Elton John, bro.
45:05.4
You know, and now in a more mature, respectful,
45:10.5
but confident and strong way,
45:12.0
it's like now I have something more to say.
45:13.7
All the more the reason why I'm like,
45:15.2
okay, Filipino community,
45:17.0
you may not have known about me,
45:18.5
but I want you to know about me now.
45:19.8
You know, I'm going to do my part
45:21.8
to know about my culture,
45:23.2
to work with artists,
45:24.2
and not just be like, look about me.
45:25.7
But I feel like, look, we got Bruno Mars hitting.
45:28.6
He's been hitting for years.
45:31.9
But mixed people.
45:32.7
I'm saying more mixed.
45:37.6
Yeah, I loved her guitar.
45:38.8
I mean, black and Filipino.
45:40.3
So like you got these people,
45:41.7
they should know about me too.
45:43.0
You know, I didn't get the chance at that time.
45:44.7
Jokoy's mixed, huh?
45:45.7
Yeah, he's, I love that guy.
45:47.2
But I didn't get the chance
45:48.6
because I had to deal with that.
45:49.8
I had to deal with different things.
45:50.9
So I felt like I missed that wave.
45:53.0
Because imagine if I would have stuck with it
45:55.5
and I stayed in the Philippines and built.
45:57.8
I could have been like J.R. and Chris Lawrence,
46:01.4
all these guys that I grew up with
46:02.8
and I did shows with.
46:04.7
And I missed that wave.
46:06.0
Instead of being salty about it,
46:07.4
it's like, okay, it wasn't my time then.
46:09.7
It's a possibility it could be my time now.
46:11.8
Let me do something about it.
46:13.0
Once again, like I knew my dad
46:14.6
wasn't going to give me the car.
46:15.6
Let me do something about it.
46:16.8
All I can do is do my best.
46:18.5
And that's why being on your platform, sir,
46:20.9
all these platforms, the real people.
46:23.4
Let me do something about it.
46:25.8
That's a good slogan.
46:29.5
And now I have something to say.
46:31.0
Besides like, hey, I'm cute, guys.
46:33.8
Listen to my music.
46:34.8
Of course, I feel it's great.
46:36.2
I feel it's dope.
46:37.3
But then there's a story behind it too.
46:39.4
Let's talk about your music.
46:43.1
So we were texting
46:45.4
and you're asking me if I listen to your music.
46:49.8
Only because I hate listening to music without context.
46:56.3
There's a method to your madness.
46:59.3
Like now I know you.
47:03.4
And I'm listening to the backstories.
47:06.5
It opens up the reticular
47:09.8
to make you focus more on the music
47:11.6
and really immerse yourself in the music.
47:16.7
So tell me about it.
47:17.8
Like when you started producing,
47:30.9
That's your color.
47:34.2
Now, tell me the process of how you made Purple.
47:41.5
What was your mindset?
47:44.6
Mindset and state of mind, two different things.
47:47.4
And your emotional state as well.
47:49.0
Oh man, it was a movie written in real time.
47:54.4
And you know what?
47:55.3
Me and the rest of the people watching,
47:57.8
we're all probably going to go to Spotify after this
48:00.2
and listen to it, right?
48:02.3
Man, Pak, I'm so proud of this project
48:05.8
because it was birthed out of love.
48:09.0
It was birthed out of the pain.
48:10.9
And it was also...
48:12.1
And the resolution of it.
48:15.6
It was great because...
48:16.6
So there's an arc.
48:19.4
And then there's a golden ending.
48:21.3
There's something at the end that's like,
48:22.9
it's going to be okay.
48:24.0
So Purple, obviously, is the color...
48:27.0
For me, I love purples.
48:28.2
And it's the color of love.
48:29.8
It's the color of Prince.
48:31.4
Prince is my favorite artist of all time.
48:33.4
Not Michael Jackson?
48:35.5
Michael Jackson, he's great.
48:38.0
He's the king of pop.
48:38.9
But nobody, for me, in my opinion,
48:40.9
is the greatest artist of all time
48:42.3
that can do everything is Prince.
48:44.4
So it was my ode to Prince
48:45.6
because he was like my brother.
48:47.0
He was the guy that I looked up to.
48:48.6
And I'm like, yeah, I want to play everything.
48:50.2
I want to write everything.
48:51.2
I want to have all these fine ladies.
48:53.2
I want to have a cool motorcycle.
48:55.1
I didn't have the high heel boots.
48:57.5
But he just inspired me so much.
48:59.2
So it was like an ode to him.
49:01.4
But when I create,
49:03.4
you know, there's chords.
49:04.8
There's different things.
49:05.4
I don't see that.
49:07.9
So when I'm working on something,
49:09.5
I just don't think about it like that.
49:11.4
It's just my approach to it.
49:13.5
And I just create.
49:16.1
And it's a gift from God.
49:17.3
And somehow I wanted to like
49:19.9
create a full album,
49:21.1
fully produced and written by myself.
49:23.8
So Purple came pre-COVID.
49:26.8
I was in this amazing relationship.
49:30.6
this is the first time
49:31.3
I'm actually going to say this.
49:33.6
I was engaged, bro.
49:37.0
Yeah, I was engaged
49:38.5
and I was going to do the grown-up thing.
49:39.9
I'm like, okay, cool.
49:41.3
You know, you go to school,
49:42.6
you get the degree
49:44.6
and then you meet the one.
49:46.0
The grown-up thing.
49:52.3
Don't shortcut this story.
49:56.7
So the fans were like,
49:58.2
people were like, what's going on here?
49:59.6
But yeah, I met this wonderful woman.
50:04.1
And man, it's like when,
50:05.5
it's just certain cars
50:06.6
that pass you by in life.
50:09.1
And your heart just,
50:10.1
it just takes five leaps out of your body.
50:14.5
So we got together
50:17.3
and loved very deeply.
50:20.8
I love this woman deeply.
50:22.1
Did you live together?
50:24.6
After we got serious
50:28.2
there's something within a man.
50:30.5
Like when he says, look,
50:32.0
I only want to be with her
50:33.3
for the rest of my life.
50:34.2
I'm going to be with her.
50:35.7
I'm going to go to the mall,
50:36.7
to the grocery store with her.
50:38.4
And I'm okay with that.
50:40.3
And when I got to that point,
50:41.4
when every answer was yes,
50:43.1
that's when I said, you know what?
50:44.2
I think I want to marry this girl.
50:47.1
And I find myself looking at little rings
50:49.5
and different things.
50:50.0
Like, dang, that's a lot of money.
50:51.1
Like, okay, let me do the calculations.
50:53.9
See, look at you.
50:54.5
That's a lot of money.
50:55.2
Let me do the calculations.
50:56.3
You were not like,
50:57.6
that's a lot of money.
50:58.3
Again, maybe later.
51:00.4
You know what I mean?
51:01.7
That mindset that you have,
51:03.1
that character trait that you have,
51:04.4
you're always looking for solutions to,
51:07.5
And I felt like all the crap
51:10.0
that I've been through in life,
51:11.1
you know, the ups and downs,
51:12.3
I felt like she was the reward.
51:15.1
It's like, okay, God.
51:15.8
It's like, okay, we got you, son.
51:18.1
You're going to be okay.
51:19.0
You're in good hands with this one.
51:20.8
Long story short.
51:21.8
No, what do you mean long story short?
51:27.5
Oh my, this is like public.
51:29.2
This is the first time we actually,
51:31.0
but in a respectful manner,
51:34.0
she was a wonderful woman.
51:37.1
We loved, I loved her so much, bro.
51:39.0
Like, good memories.
51:40.2
A lot of good memories.
51:41.0
Yes, with every pore,
51:43.5
an inch of your body.
51:44.3
And your friends and your families,
51:45.8
they were rooting for you guys.
51:47.9
And we had an engagement party.
51:50.1
We did everything.
51:50.9
We got the venue at the Malibu.
51:54.1
Everything was set up.
51:54.9
This was pre-COVID?
52:03.7
Yeah, that was when we're going to get married.
52:05.9
And come to find out,
52:08.5
I was so in love with this woman.
52:11.0
There was certain situations with addiction.
52:14.4
And, um, drinking.
52:20.2
And, uh, I didn't know how to deal with it.
52:22.9
I didn't know how to deal with it.
52:23.9
Because I don't drink or smoke.
52:25.6
I'm pretty much the cleanest guy you would kind of meet.
52:28.9
But no judgments or anything.
52:30.9
I just didn't know.
52:31.9
I didn't know how to deal with it.
52:33.2
And I didn't know how to support her
52:34.7
the best way she needed to.
52:36.5
And you were loving her unconditionally,
52:38.0
which doesn't help.
52:39.6
You know that, right?
52:41.0
And I became, like, dependent,
52:42.5
co-dependent on the situation.
52:43.9
Sometimes, if you love someone unconditionally,
52:45.9
you tend to, what, be an enabler to the person.
52:49.8
So it just snowballed into more and more occurrences of her
52:54.5
in these situations that are so detrimental.
52:57.5
So what happened?
52:58.5
The introverted honoree came back
53:01.3
and you just kept your mouth shut?
53:04.6
Until you couldn't take it anymore.
53:06.7
Until I couldn't take it anymore.
53:08.0
And then you plead.
53:11.5
And not so much for her safety.
53:16.3
You know, because I, unfortunately,
53:18.3
I had to, I found her in multiple situations
53:20.4
where it was very, you know,
53:21.9
you see somebody passed out in their car
53:24.0
or, like, I'm doing shows.
53:27.0
When I'm on stage, it's work.
53:29.9
But then I'm, like, seeing her out in the crowd
53:32.0
and I'm, like, counting how many drinks she has.
53:34.2
Like, I became a whole different person.
53:36.7
And I was, like, disintegrating, like,
53:39.1
just in my heart.
53:40.3
And I couldn't take it.
53:41.7
I was, like, I can't believe this is happening
53:43.7
to the person that I want to be with.
53:45.4
I really, truly wanted to be.
53:46.7
So you were in conflict with yourself?
53:55.1
Because, I don't know, correct me if I'm wrong,
53:57.2
but it happened to me.
54:00.7
But for some reason, this person broke up with me.
54:04.1
But I was, like, oh.
54:05.3
But then again, when I was there,
54:06.7
it was, like, I was finding reasons
54:11.1
to turn a blind eye on the addiction.
54:14.7
Because I love the person, right?
54:16.8
But then again, the logical side of me is, like,
54:23.6
Get out of that situation.
54:25.4
And I'm torn between myself.
54:28.1
I was the opposite.
54:30.3
I wanted to talk about it
54:31.3
because I wanted to fix it.
54:33.0
And not knowing at the time that you can't fix it.
54:35.8
You can't fix addiction.
54:37.2
That's up to that person.
54:39.2
And I really didn't understand.
54:41.1
I have a lot of family members who have addictions.
54:44.7
And all the more the reason it showed me what not to do.
54:47.7
So I utilized those tools,
54:50.4
utilized those experiences as a tool for, like,
54:52.1
no, I'm definitely not going to do that.
54:53.5
It may look cool to people,
54:55.0
but I'm not doing that.
54:56.3
And I feel like a rare unicorn
54:58.7
because you don't really find,
55:00.7
maybe guys, I guess,
55:02.0
or just, like, I don't drink.
55:05.7
And it comes off.
55:06.8
Sometimes people think, oh, he thinks he's all that.
55:08.4
It's like, no, it's just not for me.
55:10.6
But when you're about to marry somebody that has that,
55:14.3
and I try to control it, bro.
55:15.7
Like, I did my best to, you know,
55:17.6
like, I'm going to surround it with good friends.
55:19.3
She's going to come move down here.
55:20.6
Some more situational, right?
55:21.9
Change the environment kind of thing.
55:23.5
And thinking that would change the situation.
55:25.5
But I didn't know that she had her own situations to deal with.
55:28.7
And maybe that's the reason why she turned.
55:30.4
So we went downhill real fast, bro.
55:33.5
And up into the point where it's like we stopped.
55:36.2
I couldn't handle it.
55:37.4
You guys were living together at this point.
55:39.9
Couldn't handle seeing it.
55:41.9
I couldn't handle the sweetest woman you would see.
55:44.7
And I'll be right back.
55:45.9
I'm going to go to the store.
55:47.2
20 minutes later, she's coming back a whole different person.
55:50.9
She's such a beautiful person.
55:53.0
And it just turned for the worse.
55:58.4
It's just, you know.
56:02.7
I think when you love someone so much,
56:05.2
and when you're on the ground begging them to stop.
56:08.5
Is it for me or for her?
56:10.3
It's for everything.
56:11.8
And I seen like the train.
56:13.3
It was like a train coming to us.
56:15.3
And it was going to hit us no matter what.
56:17.8
And I still tried.
56:20.2
I begged so hard.
56:22.4
And within all that, I'm writing these songs for the album.
56:25.9
And it was the beginning of this.
56:27.4
The first part of the album is the love.
56:29.1
It's just the beginning of the fire
56:31.0
when you're meeting somebody and how magical it is.
56:34.1
And then, you know, nothing's perfect.
56:36.3
But then you deal with it.
56:37.2
And you deal with the loss.
56:38.7
So when she left,
56:42.7
my whole life left with it.
56:45.3
Your life leaves.
56:46.1
And she left during COVID.
56:49.6
And when you're sitting at Thanksgiving.
56:52.4
When you're locked.
56:54.8
When you're sitting at Thanksgiving dinner by yourself.
56:58.6
And the love of your life is in the bedroom, passed out.
57:02.3
Man, that's the moment, bro.
57:03.9
And I knew that for whatever reason, God,
57:08.3
this is what you're trying to show me something.
57:10.7
I'm not sure what.
57:11.6
That was Thanksgiving 2020.
57:14.9
November 26, 2020.
57:17.5
And then her moving out shortly after that.
57:19.5
And not seeing her anymore.
57:23.3
Not seeing her anymore.
57:30.4
Decisions, you know?
57:33.4
You know, we live and we try.
57:36.4
After that, I had to go back to how to prepare myself.
57:41.1
So I was like, yo, what am I going to do?
57:43.1
I mean, I seek therapists.
57:44.4
I went to a therapist.
57:46.6
You know, going to a therapist helps, though.
57:49.8
It was one of the best things I did.
57:52.3
Instead of burdening your friends.
57:56.4
And I also went to Al-Anon.
57:58.5
I went to Al-Anon because I didn't know what these places were.
58:00.7
Friends said, look, you should go to Al-Anon.
58:02.1
It's a place that could help support you.
58:04.1
So I got the knowledge that I needed for me.
58:08.1
But at that time, I was thinking, like, maybe I can get the tools to fix us.
58:11.4
It was about fixing me.
58:13.0
So during this whole experience, I'm writing this album.
58:16.3
You know, when I first met my fiancée or my ex-fiancée, we were together.
58:20.1
Everything was great.
58:21.9
But then, you know, trials and tribulations of life.
58:24.7
And you write what's in your heart for me.
58:27.4
And I wrote it in the heartbreak.
58:29.1
And I'm like, yo, come back.
58:30.3
So everything's on purple.
58:33.6
So the beginning of the album is all love.
58:36.7
And then there's a twist.
58:38.7
And then you're dealing with the person.
58:39.9
And you're, like, dealing with, like, the heartache.
58:41.8
And like, yo, come back.
58:43.2
What can we do to fix this?
58:44.9
And knowing, like, there's nothing more we can fix.
58:47.9
Because that person or that situation, it just is what it is.
58:52.4
And but at the end of the album, there's a song called Thrive that I'm very proud of.
58:57.9
It's about surviving through it all.
59:00.6
It's about, you know what?
59:01.9
Living in this life can get harder.
59:03.5
Trying to find the right way to go now.
59:05.3
All I need is a little sign.
59:07.3
Can anybody hear me?
59:08.5
What's the use of learning from my mistakes if I never turn love and elevate?
59:13.4
I know that it's going to get better.
59:14.9
So I better not give up.
59:16.5
And that is, like, my rocky moment.
59:21.2
Once again, you will survive this.
59:25.0
No matter what, we all have a story to tell.
59:27.3
Purple is just my story at the moment.
59:32.5
You think you'll ever fall in love again?
59:35.5
Because I have a heart.
59:36.1
It's still beating.
59:37.9
You're not, you're no PTSD?
59:40.4
You know, it was funny because I was in the studio right before I came here.
59:44.7
And just remembering, like, you know, I remember when we were here and we recorded different things.
59:48.9
But it's the grand experience of life.
59:52.9
It has many twists and turns.
59:55.1
It's many dimensions.
59:55.9
It's multi-dimensional.
59:57.3
It's how you deal with it.
59:58.3
And to me, it's like, I know my worth.
60:03.0
This episode is brought to you by Leo Bato and Associates, Ang Realtor na Bato.
60:10.3
And doing it in the best way I can without being overly cocky.
60:14.7
But just confident enough to, like, look, when it's time for me to shine, I'm going to shine.
60:19.1
But then when it's time to just chill, be you.
60:23.0
And it's like, with love, relationship, it's all about that.
60:25.6
And it's like, with love, relationships, family, friendships, I want to do my best to be as purple as possible.
60:33.0
And that's where everything goes back to the love.
60:34.7
With love, it's a beautiful, heartfelt, but it can be very hurtful, too, all at the same time.
60:40.8
And it's still good.
60:42.1
You learn from it.
60:42.8
To the person watching this, and again, like, what I keep telling all my guests,
60:49.7
if we can touch the heart of one person, you and I have done our job.
60:53.8
It's all we need.
60:55.7
One person can change the world, right?
60:57.5
What if that person's watching right now because of this episode and all?
61:01.1
If there's this person watching who's unsure of himself or herself,
61:06.5
who has all these excuses, all this pent-up anger, all the why me, the victim mentality,
61:11.5
what can you advise this person?
61:13.5
Stop being the victim.
61:15.0
Stop pointing fingers.
61:17.4
Yes, mom and dad should have been there.
61:19.6
Your friends should have been there.
61:21.3
Him or her didn't have to do you that way.
61:23.8
But you know what?
61:24.3
You're still here.
61:25.6
You have an opportunity, and you owe it to yourself to get up and do something about it.
61:30.7
If it's a bad relationship, if you want a better job or better situation, no one's going to give
61:36.0
I don't care how pretty or cute you think you are, how many likes you have on Instagram.
61:40.5
Get that out your head.
61:42.3
What's real is your feelings.
61:45.1
And coming to the point where you see yourself in the mirror and just being honest, like,
61:49.7
yo, do you want better?
61:52.5
I'm going to do everything I can every single day to do something good.
61:56.0
And it will add up.
61:57.9
So whoever's out there, no excuses, no ceilings.
62:01.8
Just go for your heart, your dreams, and make yourself proud.
62:07.2
Don't do it for your kids.
62:08.7
Don't do it for mom and dad.
62:11.9
Ladies and gentlemen, Ottery!
62:14.7
Post links of his social media, also link to the Spotify, the Spotify link for Purple.
62:23.1
We'll put it there.
