00:51.9
including teeth whitening, bonding, dental veneers, and surgical crowns.
00:57.9
Whether it's urgent care or preventive treatment, she'll take care of you and your smile.
01:03.9
To schedule an appointment, call the clinic at area code 323-257-7582.
01:10.9
Visit AbbaEServices.com for fast medical transcription service.
01:15.9
This podcast episode is brought to you by AB Music Creative.
01:19.2
And the podcast will begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:24.2
Ladies and gentlemen, proud to introduce my godson, Mr. Paolo Gonzalez.
01:34.2
Thanks for having me.
01:35.2
Ito si Paolo, guys.
01:36.2
Kung intro voice sa pag-uusapan natin, sinasabi namin, siya talaga yung first baby namin.
01:41.2
Actually, nauna sa kanya ng contest si Jedalyn Carpio, yung anak ni Vic Carpio.
01:47.5
Pero bilang dinala ng mami niya sa Palawan.
01:50.5
Tapos, lumabas na si Paolo.
01:52.5
So, unang girl, si Jedalyn. Unang boy, si Paolo.
01:56.5
Si Paolo ang anak ni Patrio Gonzalez, who used to be part of Intro Voice as our production manager.
02:01.5
And this is my inaanak.
02:03.5
It's good to have you.
02:04.5
Thank you for having me.
02:05.5
Happy to be here.
02:09.5
Hindi, huwag naman.
02:10.5
The reason why I'm excited to have you,
02:13.8
when I had Heaven on the podcast,
02:17.8
I felt that father and son yung dating.
02:22.8
Now, I've had guests sa podcast
02:27.8
and ang kwento ka namin palagi was about their origin story.
02:32.8
Yung sa'yo, I kinda know.
02:35.8
Pero siyempre, only you will be able to share your story from your perspective.
02:41.1
And yun yung maganda.
02:43.1
Dahil yung childhood mo wasn't the template childhood.
02:50.1
Yung may daddy ka, may mami ka, may pamilya ka, and then lalaki ka.
02:57.1
Very different childhood.
02:59.1
But somehow, you have a bachelor's degree.
03:02.1
I mean, you're well-adjusted.
03:07.1
Pero you're battle-scarred.
03:10.4
I'd say battle-scarred.
03:16.4
Mamaya ka pa iiyak.
03:20.4
Pero I feel like battle-scarred is such a good term.
03:26.4
Or it's such a good term to use for this situation
03:29.4
because I feel like...
03:33.4
I feel like growing up, it was really more of a...
03:35.4
It was difficult.
03:37.7
But now, I'm starting to realize that the people around me
03:43.7
made it so that it wouldn't be difficult for me.
03:49.7
Like, naaalala mo ba nung time na kumpleto pa yung pamilya mo
03:53.7
na ikaw, nanay mo, tatay mo?
03:54.7
Do you still remember those times?
03:59.7
I remember vividly.
04:01.7
But not entirely where I remember certain memories.
04:06.0
I only remember...
04:08.0
Like, when I try to picture it,
04:09.0
I only remember picturing times where I was really small pa.
04:14.0
I didn't know what was happening
04:15.0
but then I know what it looks like.
04:17.0
You know what I mean?
04:18.0
Like, I can recall a certain picture in my head
04:20.0
but that's just it.
04:21.0
So being a product of that kind of environment,
04:25.0
looking back in hindsight, you're an adult.
04:29.0
Hindi mo ba naiisip...
04:32.0
Kasi ito naman ang maganda.
04:33.0
Ito naman ang antithesis natin.
04:35.3
I grew up in a household na may tatay at nanay.
04:38.3
And, unfortunately, maliban kay Cassidy,
04:41.3
yung aking little girl,
04:42.3
yung mga anak kong lalaki,
04:44.3
produkto rin ng broken home.
04:46.3
I mean, I am partly to be blamed.
04:50.3
But in your case,
04:54.3
I was rooting for your happiness also.
04:57.3
Pero what was going through your head growing up?
04:59.3
Lumaki ka sa kanino ba?
05:02.6
Well, I started...
05:03.6
Initially, I grew up with mommy.
05:08.6
So during my early years where mommy...
05:10.6
How old were you?
05:13.6
Because, as you know,
05:15.6
my parents were very young when they had me.
05:17.6
So they were very busy also.
05:20.6
Were you asking questions?
05:21.6
Nasa nanay mo, nasa tatay mo?
05:26.6
I was given enough attention by mom.
05:29.9
I was given enough attention and care.
05:36.9
So I feel like si mommy was able to give that to me.
05:42.9
When you say mommy,
05:43.9
you're talking about your mommy Vina?
05:45.9
Yeah, when I say mommy,
05:46.9
I'm talking about lola.
05:51.9
Ngayon nga, I feel like...
05:54.9
To answer your question, Tita,
05:57.2
hindi naman ako na...
05:59.2
Hindi ko naman sila hinahanap.
06:07.2
I mean, further down the line as I grew up,
06:12.2
I was starting to realize that
06:14.2
one parent was missing.
06:18.2
How old were you when you realized that one parent was missing?
06:21.2
And kailan nagsimula yung mga questions?
06:23.2
And the reason why I'm asking it this way
06:25.5
because I want the listeners
06:26.5
and I want people watching this
06:29.5
to know na hindi sila nag-iisa.
06:37.5
I don't know, entering kindergarten.
06:40.5
Entering kindergarten.
06:42.5
When I was entering kindergarten,
06:43.5
I have vivid memories of kindergarten.
06:46.5
I remember a couple of stuff.
06:48.5
But certain memories stand out, right?
06:54.8
where am I going to go to school?
06:58.8
So this was a big discussion.
06:59.8
I believe it was a big discussion.
07:01.8
Or at least I remember it was a big discussion
07:03.8
between my parents.
07:07.8
kasi you know, si Papa wanted me to go to Jazz House.
07:09.8
He wanted me to go to La Salma, mate.
07:11.8
And then si Mama,
07:12.8
she wanted me to go to La Sal.
07:14.8
Kasi yung mga tito mo,
07:16.8
dun nag-iaharal sa La Sal.
07:20.1
I started realizing it
07:24.1
when I was entering kindergarten.
07:27.1
Preschool pa lang.
07:29.1
Because nga, yun na.
07:38.1
It wasn't the same
07:39.1
kasi I wouldn't have my mom.
07:52.4
So, yung nanay mo talaga?
07:53.4
Yung totoong nanay mo?
07:54.4
Yung mommy Tonichi mo?
07:56.4
Siguro at that time, not yet.
07:58.4
But then, I was starting to slowly be more aware
08:00.4
of the fact that she wasn't there.
08:02.4
So, sino unang tinanong mo
08:03.4
kung bakit siya wala ron?
08:06.4
How's your relationship with your dad?
08:09.4
Back then or now?
08:13.4
Was he a big figure
08:14.4
or was he someone na parang Santa Claus na
08:16.7
Papa, I need this.
08:20.7
You know what I'm talking about, right?
08:21.7
May mga anak na hindi naihiya sa tatay nila.
08:24.7
I feel like it was more of...
08:28.7
It felt like we were best friends kasi growing up.
08:31.7
So, we were very close growing up.
08:33.7
So, he wanted me to tell him everything.
08:36.7
So, during that time,
08:37.7
it felt like that naman.
08:38.7
So, I was just asking.
08:39.7
Kung baka, you know,
08:40.7
an innocent child asking an innocent question.
08:43.7
So, what was the question?
08:45.0
Anong tinanong mo sa kanya about your mom?
08:47.0
I don't remember exactly.
08:50.0
But I remember asking him about this.
08:51.0
We were outside pa
08:52.0
sa Philampato, sa 50.
08:57.0
waiting by the gate
08:58.0
and I just asked him.
09:01.0
I forgot what he said
09:04.0
I remember it being in the lines of
09:06.0
na, it's not here anymore.
09:08.0
Something like that but
09:10.0
I don't know how he said it
09:11.0
but basically that's the gist that I got out of it.
09:15.3
first I was just like
09:19.3
Like, what do you mean?
09:26.3
for certain things like this
09:28.3
I didn't seem to understand yet.
09:30.3
I didn't seem to understand it yet
09:35.3
it was more evident
09:36.3
when I was in grade school.
09:40.3
Ano yung mga telltale signs
09:42.6
ng grade school ka
09:44.6
mukhang iba yung sitwasyong ko
09:46.6
sa mga kaklasi ko ha?
09:47.6
Mukhang family day.
09:52.6
Family days hit hard.
09:54.6
Pero were you keeping it in
09:56.6
or nagre-reklamo ka
10:02.6
a part of me was keeping it in
10:04.6
trying to hold my ground.
10:06.6
Okay, maybe my parents
10:08.6
can't come together.
10:13.9
I'm not expecting them naman.
10:15.9
I'm not expecting
10:16.9
oh, it's a family day
10:17.9
everybody's gonna come together.
10:19.9
Kaba, I was expecting more of
10:20.9
oh, it's a family day
10:22.9
whoever can come will come.
10:24.9
Kabagyan, ganun ka na pinalaki.
10:28.9
But then it was really
10:30.9
it got harder and harder to do it.
10:36.9
habang nagkakaroon ka ng isip
10:42.2
Parang si Santa Claus eh, diba?
10:45.2
na may Santa Claus
10:46.2
pero pag 20 ka na
10:49.2
puts, antak ako na
10:50.2
kung naniniwala pa ako
10:52.2
Sa mga 20 years old
10:55.2
hindi ko binabash
11:01.2
So while you were
11:05.2
yung tipong hindi mo
11:11.5
nakakausap mo naman
11:16.5
with my mom wasn't
11:24.5
from my perspective
11:25.5
I got left behind.
11:26.5
This is your perspective
11:29.5
So from my perspective
11:31.5
I was left behind.
11:33.5
did you have any resentment
11:34.5
because of that feeling?
11:39.8
resentment talaga.
11:46.8
I was just like na
11:50.8
I didn't care anymore
11:52.8
she said she was going
11:58.8
or I didn't think
12:02.8
Di naman I wanted
12:04.8
but I didn't expect
12:06.1
her to actually be there.
12:15.1
with my mom got better
12:16.1
when I was in high school already.
12:20.1
transition from grade school
12:22.1
So grade school was tough for you?
12:27.1
I guess in hindsight yes.
12:29.1
Back then I didn't really think about it.
12:32.1
Back then it's just like
12:36.1
parang matatanggap ko na
12:37.1
na hindi perfect yung family.
12:40.1
Pero hindi ka pala away
12:41.1
nung grade school?
12:48.1
I mean if you mess with me
12:52.1
hindi naman pala away.
12:55.1
So nung high school
13:00.1
Mama na ang tingin ng tatay mo sayo
13:02.1
but you went into sports
13:03.1
let's talk about that part eh.
13:05.4
Naging outlet mong sports eh.
13:07.4
How did it help you
13:08.4
emotionally and mentally?
13:11.4
Sports was everything.
13:15.4
or did it come naturally?
13:17.4
The funny thing was
13:18.4
from grade school
13:19.4
like from grade 4 to grade 7
13:21.4
I was super into football.
13:23.4
So I was football team talaga.
13:30.4
Kasi I didn't make the basketball tryouts.
13:31.4
Pero mahilig ka sa basketball?
13:38.7
all I wanted was a jersey
13:39.7
with a name on my back.
13:43.7
if I could tryout
13:44.7
just to get a jersey
13:46.7
So I tried basketball
13:50.7
I went straight to football.
13:53.7
So you made it sa football
13:57.7
I was wanting to quit.
14:00.7
For superficial reasons
14:05.0
inaasara ko na may itim ako.
14:12.0
Sa Pilipinas uso yan.
14:20.0
I wanted to stop playing
14:21.0
because I didn't want to get darker anymore.
14:29.0
were telling me that I can't.
14:31.0
So si Mama Angela
14:32.3
was your dad's wife?
14:37.3
Si Mama Angela told me
14:39.3
My dad and my Mama Angela
14:40.3
told me I can't stop.
14:41.3
I have to keep playing.
14:42.3
And your Mama Angela
14:43.3
very disciplinary
14:44.3
pagdating sa sports.
14:54.3
they were very disappointed
14:57.3
So they were teaching you
15:02.6
So I was just like
15:08.6
I got into the NCAA team
15:12.6
I just fell in love with the game.
15:13.6
So bakit di mo ginawang career?
15:18.6
malaki bang potential
15:30.9
the amount of people
15:33.9
and the amount of teams
15:40.9
andame yung players ngayon.
15:41.9
The competition now
15:44.9
the competition back then.
15:46.9
the coverage na rin.
15:49.9
So especially social media.
15:58.9
they have a brighter future
16:05.2
So you were growing up
16:07.2
you were into sports
16:10.2
was still guiding you
16:12.2
sa mga panahon na to
16:14.2
And your mama Angel ah.
16:15.2
What was the conversation like
16:17.2
about your future back then?
16:25.2
I was very confused
16:29.5
because I fell in love with football
16:31.5
all I wanted to do
16:32.5
was play football.
16:35.5
everything I wanted.
16:36.5
All I wanted to do
16:37.5
was play football
16:42.5
eventually make the Philippines
16:45.5
Sa mga yun yung dream mo.
16:48.5
that was where I was headed
16:49.5
during that time.
16:55.5
injuries got in the way.
16:57.8
I got back from that
16:58.8
started playing again.
17:05.8
Talk to me about college.
17:06.8
How did it affect
17:10.8
Oh I played in college.
17:12.8
I played two years in college.
17:13.8
And then I got injured.
17:20.8
Pag yung MCL mo nasira
17:22.8
kumagab yung scar tissue nyan.
17:33.1
the team I was with before.
17:38.1
scholarships and all that.
17:42.1
that's one of the reasons why I didn't.
17:49.1
Binigyan ka ng magulang
17:50.1
na hindi magsasama.
17:57.4
trying to make sure
17:58.4
na maayos ang pagpapalaki
18:02.4
kailangan ka ng pakiramdam na
18:03.4
inuana ka ng nanay mo.
18:04.4
Yung totong nanay mo.
18:06.4
Nag-asawa ko tatay mo
18:08.4
gave you a good stepmom
18:09.4
to take care of you.
18:13.4
you found something
18:15.4
which is football.
18:19.4
threw you a curveball
18:21.4
piliha ka naman ng injuries.
18:22.7
Finally naka-recover ka
18:24.7
paribagong issue na naman
18:32.7
what was going through your
18:34.7
your mental state
18:35.7
your spiritual state
18:38.7
It's all over the place, Ninong.
18:41.7
it's all over the place.
18:43.7
all over the place.
18:45.7
Time in your life.
18:52.0
I stopped playing
18:56.0
started playing again
18:58.0
fell in love with it again
19:01.0
I started trying out
19:07.0
small league teams.
19:08.0
Sino sounding board mo rito?
19:11.0
I know you have a
19:17.0
pag frustrated ka?
19:24.3
it's bottled up inside.
19:26.3
It's me talking to myself.
19:31.3
It's me talking to myself
19:32.3
convincing myself.
19:35.3
of course I have you know
19:36.3
I feel like I have a supportive
19:37.3
I have supportive friends
19:40.3
I have someone I can run to.
19:43.3
Like is it easy for you
19:44.3
to open up to these people?
19:47.3
I have two people
19:51.6
So that's Addy and Kat.
19:54.6
Addy is your best friend
19:55.6
si Kat is your girlfriend?
19:57.6
Addy is my best friend
19:58.6
Kat is my girlfriend.
20:00.6
I have a hard time.
20:01.6
Before I was very open
20:09.6
if you have nothing to hide
20:15.6
I didn't have anything to hide.
20:16.6
I feel like I didn't have anything to hide.
20:17.6
So I'm very open about
20:19.9
If you judge me then
20:22.9
This episode is brought to you by
20:24.9
Leo Bato and Associates
20:26.9
Ang realtor na pato.
20:30.9
I've experienced a lot of
20:32.9
friendship heartaches.
20:36.9
People I feel like
20:40.9
we're supposed to be
20:42.9
I wouldn't say naman loyal
20:44.9
but people who I expected
20:48.2
on my side of things
20:50.2
chose to be on the other side.
20:55.2
I have no problem with that.
20:57.2
It's their choice.
20:58.2
It's their choice.
21:02.2
You're investing time.
21:06.2
if that's the case
21:08.2
because they don't
21:11.2
don't say shit to your face.
21:13.2
When you're behind
21:15.5
you're on the other side
21:17.5
and you can hear other people.
21:21.5
I've experienced a lot of that.
21:25.5
I feel like I've learned how
21:33.5
extroverted and more introverted.
21:35.5
I feel like I appreciate being introverted more.
21:41.5
I feel like now I enjoy my solitude.
21:45.8
I enjoy my alone time.
21:49.8
I want my alone time
21:51.8
I can't not have alone time.
21:53.8
Because that's the only time I'm able to think
21:55.8
I'm able to think
21:59.8
I'm able to reflect on what happened today
22:01.8
the conversations I've had.
22:05.8
solitude is very important.
22:07.8
So now, you're 28.
22:09.8
You're still unmarried.
22:12.1
You're still unmarried.
22:16.1
Is this a knock on wood?
22:20.1
Why are you still unmarried?
22:22.1
Because me and your dad
22:24.1
at your age, we're raising kids.
22:26.1
Yup. That was me.
22:28.1
Oh, that was you.
22:30.1
That was me in heaven.
22:32.1
So why are you still unmarried?
22:38.1
the most common excuse
22:40.4
is that I don't feel like
22:46.4
I feel like my mind was conditioned also
22:50.4
and by everyone around me
22:52.4
that having children at a young age
22:54.4
wasn't such a good idea.
22:56.4
But you were that idea.
23:00.4
Isn't that a paradox?
23:04.4
You're telling me I'm not a good idea?
23:06.4
I used to think about that.
23:10.7
You never told that to their faces?
23:16.7
Let's go back to you thinking about that.
23:22.7
at a young age is not a good idea,
23:24.7
does that mean I'm not a good idea?
23:28.7
That's one of the existential
23:30.7
questions I asked myself
23:34.7
If you guys keep saying these things,
23:39.0
basically you're saying
23:41.0
I'm not a good idea?
23:47.0
right now you're able to brush it off.
23:49.0
How are you able to brush it off without...
23:51.0
Do you have a chip on your shoulder?
23:53.0
I feel like I do.
23:55.0
But you're able to brush it off.
24:01.0
I feel like I've learned how to...
24:07.3
Not that I'm still learning,
24:09.3
but I feel like I'm learning
24:11.3
how to filter out the things
24:13.3
I want to think about and the things
24:15.3
I don't want to think about.
24:19.3
Of course it's hard.
24:25.3
But sometimes you learn to just...
24:27.3
Especially when things you don't need to think about...
24:29.3
Like the color of your skin.
24:33.6
When did you realize that?
24:41.6
I started appreciating my color
24:43.6
after high school.
24:45.6
That's when I realized
24:49.6
People still dye their hair, right?
24:53.6
I have a color limit.
24:55.6
Once I reach that threshold,
25:01.9
That's the darkest I can get.
25:03.9
I have a threshold.
25:07.9
So you accepted it.
25:13.9
and the people around you.
25:15.9
When did you accept that situation?
25:17.9
That your dad has a family,
25:19.9
and your mom has a family.
25:21.9
That you're the eldest
25:23.9
on both sides of the fence.
25:28.2
when I was in high school.
25:30.2
Speak closer to the mic.
25:32.2
I accepted it when I was in high school.
25:36.2
It's different when you accept it
25:38.2
than when you embrace it.
25:40.2
I accepted it when I was in high school.
25:42.2
I embraced it when I was in college.
25:44.2
When I accepted it,
25:46.2
it was more of...
25:50.2
I wouldn't say bitterness
25:52.2
because I didn't feel bitter
25:54.2
towards anything.
26:00.5
Because they have a family.
26:08.5
Like I said, back in high school
26:10.5
and grade school,
26:12.5
family days were a huge thing.
26:14.5
And then I would literally go
26:16.5
to my family days and watch.
26:22.5
how families interact
26:24.8
with their parents, with their moms,
26:28.8
And then their activities with your dad,
26:30.8
activities with your mom,
26:32.8
activities with both parents.
26:34.8
I was just a watcher.
26:40.8
I guess, what's funny was,
26:44.8
I had friends also.
26:46.8
In the same situation?
26:48.8
Were there more people watching
26:50.8
than participating?
26:53.1
No, of course not.
26:55.1
There were more people participating?
26:59.1
So when did you embrace the fact that
27:01.1
I have siblings here,
27:03.1
I'm the older brother of these people.
27:05.1
The pride of being the older brother,
27:07.1
when did it come to you?
27:11.1
I feel like I was in college already.
27:13.1
Or going to college because
27:15.1
ever since, I always wanted to be a brother.
27:17.1
I was always excited
27:19.1
to have a sibling.
27:21.4
So when Santi came,
27:23.4
Danny, Lisa, Santi,
27:25.4
when they all came, I was so happy.
27:27.4
Almost at the same time, right?
27:29.4
I was so happy because
27:31.4
I was the older brother.
27:33.4
Now I wasn't alone.
27:41.4
I had someone to play with.
27:47.4
I just had someone also.
27:49.7
So of course, growing up,
27:51.7
I super loved them.
27:53.7
I tried to show them I love them
27:55.7
as much as I could.
27:57.7
There's one thing I regret though,
27:59.7
growing up because
28:01.7
I was barely able to
28:03.7
connect with my mom.
28:07.7
live with my mom.
28:09.7
So I wasn't able to really
28:11.7
be there with them as they were growing.
28:13.7
But what's good now is
28:18.0
they're really good.
28:20.0
How did you re-establish
28:22.0
a relationship with your mom?
28:26.0
as I mentioned earlier,
28:28.0
when I was entering high school.
28:30.0
And disclaimer, before your mom
28:32.0
gets mad at me, I just want to tell you this.
28:34.0
Because sometimes,
28:40.0
because they don't lower
28:46.3
what's the story of those two?
28:48.3
I don't know how your mom
28:50.3
got okay with you, but I want to know now.
28:52.3
Very heartfelt story because
28:54.3
I'll never forget this.
28:56.3
Grade 7, transitioning
28:58.3
into high school, first year high school.
29:00.3
And last Saturday, you get a retreat.
29:02.3
It's like a graduation retreat.
29:06.3
It's your final retreat.
29:08.3
And your parents,
29:10.3
at the end of it,
29:12.3
your parents will, you get palangkas.
29:14.6
You get palangka letters.
29:18.6
as I was going through it all,
29:20.6
I saw my mom's. Honestly, I didn't
29:26.6
We don't have expectations at this point.
29:30.6
I started reading it.
29:32.6
So seeing your mom's letter,
29:34.6
what emotion did you feel?
29:36.6
I was surprised and excited.
29:40.6
I started reading it.
29:42.9
Later, I started crying.
29:46.9
the gist of it was,
29:48.9
she was saying that
29:50.9
everything she did, everything she does,
29:52.9
and everything she's accomplished
29:54.9
wouldn't have happened
29:56.9
if I wasn't born.
30:00.9
A bad idea, right?
30:08.9
You should have royalties.
30:13.2
when I read that,
30:17.2
As in, it went away.
30:21.2
arrow to the heart.
30:31.2
I felt guilty because I had so much resentment
30:33.2
of you leaving me behind.
30:35.2
Didn't you realize that
30:37.2
your resentment was valid?
30:43.5
that's very generous of you.
30:45.5
So you can feel guilt.
30:51.5
I didn't choose to be born here.
30:53.5
Why do I have to feel guilty
30:55.5
that I have resentment?
30:57.5
That's just hypothetical.
31:01.5
you thought about it.
31:03.5
You felt guilt because of your resentment.
31:05.5
How did you resolve it?
31:07.8
I connected with my mom.
31:19.8
during high school,
31:21.8
throughout high school,
31:23.8
my mom and I started really
31:25.8
trying to build a relationship.
31:29.8
You were excited?
31:44.1
I didn't know my mom.
31:50.1
I was growing up,
31:52.1
sometimes I would live with her.
31:56.1
my mom's very beautiful, she's very smart,
31:58.1
she's very business-minded,
32:00.1
and she works a lot.
32:06.4
she has to work the night shift.
32:08.4
So when she gets home, she's sleeping.
32:10.4
So I can't really talk to her.
32:14.4
it's a very different dynamic also.
32:22.4
throughout high school,
32:26.4
more than just making an effort.
32:28.4
So it was coming from both sides already.
32:30.7
We would find time
32:34.7
even if it's just like,
32:36.7
three times a year.
32:40.7
Even if it's just like,
32:42.7
three times a year, twice a year, whatever.
32:44.7
I said there were times
32:46.7
that we didn't even see each other.
32:50.7
throughout high school
32:52.7
and then college came,
32:54.7
I graduated high school,
32:56.7
we went to the States.
32:59.0
So this is your bonding?
33:03.0
This is where my mom and I really bonded.
33:05.0
I felt like I got to know her.
33:07.0
How was the plane ride?
33:09.0
It was quite long.
33:11.0
No, there was no plane ride.
33:13.0
Because they were already here.
33:15.0
Oh, that's right.
33:17.0
They were based in San Jose.
33:19.0
I just followed, because my mom was working here.
33:21.0
They were in San Jose.
33:27.3
It was funny because my sister,
33:29.3
my little sister, she forgot
33:31.3
who I was. She was so scared.
33:35.3
I followed here and then
33:39.3
we were able to use that time,
33:41.3
even if it was like a month or two months.
33:43.3
We were able to use that time
33:45.3
to build a connection, form a relationship.
33:47.3
Form a strong bond.
33:51.3
And then it made me
33:53.3
understand her more.
33:57.6
So did you give yourself an opportunity
33:59.6
to fall in love with your mom?
34:01.6
What do you mean?
34:03.6
It's different when you love your mom because she's your mom.
34:05.6
It's different when you fall in love
34:07.6
with your mom because you met her. Does that make sense?
34:19.6
career after college
34:23.9
realizing the gravity of
34:25.9
the work that my mom does.
34:27.9
And your accomplishments.
34:33.9
the number of lives that she's able to
34:35.9
impact. Give them an idea.
34:43.9
employees under her.
34:45.9
I mean, you know.
34:47.9
You know, who report her
34:52.2
To me, that's mind-blowing.
34:54.2
Disclaimer, I brought a lot of people to your mom
35:00.2
She changed the lives of these people.
35:04.2
And the thing is...
35:06.2
And she doesn't ask for credit, by the way.
35:08.2
You know, the one favorite thing
35:14.2
or we were talking about it before
35:16.2
that really stuck with me
35:18.2
was when she works with people
35:20.5
Speak closer to the mic.
35:22.5
When she works with people,
35:24.5
she always puts 100%
35:28.5
at the beginning.
35:32.5
So, your actions from that moment
35:36.5
where you will stand.
35:38.5
Are you like that?
35:46.5
I give my respect
35:56.8
You know how my dad's like that?
35:58.8
And daddy man thinks like that?
36:00.8
I feel like I'm like that also.
36:06.8
the way I see it is
36:08.8
everyone, everybody deserves
36:21.1
It's funny because even if I get
36:27.1
Of course, it ticks me off.
36:29.1
Sometimes, I do something about it.
36:31.1
But most of the time,
36:35.1
What should I say?
36:41.1
Most of the time, it's
36:43.4
I lost my train of thought here.
36:47.4
This trust in people.
36:51.4
Most of the time,
36:53.4
They have to earn it, right?
36:55.4
Yes. Most of the time, they have to earn it.
37:01.4
It was taught to us
37:05.4
in the Southern Hills,
37:07.4
in search in, right?
37:15.7
If they fuck you over, then
37:19.7
Are you still like that?
37:21.7
Knowing what you know now?
37:23.7
Aren't you jaded?
37:25.7
I feel like I still am.
37:27.7
But I'm more aware now.
37:31.7
Who will you trust from the get-go?
37:35.7
a blanket anymore.
37:37.7
If I trust someone,
37:40.0
it has to earn it.
37:42.0
Are you like that now?
37:48.0
I feel like I'm still more of
37:54.0
I trust you, but I'm wary.
37:58.0
Okay, I'll put my faith in you right now,
38:00.0
but I'm watching you.
38:04.0
Trust but verify.
38:06.0
If you mess it up, I'm right there.
38:10.0
So, it's like that.
38:12.0
Your father likes to give
38:18.0
He likes to give opportunities.
38:20.0
Equally like your mom, your father
38:22.0
helped her a lot.
38:26.0
And your father has been
38:32.0
Goes through miles and miles
38:36.3
And then he'll say,
38:40.3
to the artist he's holding,
38:44.3
your father's artist,
38:46.3
he'll take the hit
38:48.3
without telling anybody.
38:52.3
Are you like that?
39:06.3
I guess I would, I'd say so.
39:08.3
I'd say that I'd rather
39:12.3
that I take the hit.
39:16.3
And then I'll pass it.
39:20.3
Is that to your advantage though?
39:30.3
it is, sometimes it isn't.
39:32.3
Because sometimes it affects you
39:40.6
you know how sometimes
39:42.6
creeping thoughts
39:46.6
Especially when it's not addressed.
39:50.6
And especially when you're the only one who brings it.
39:56.6
So, you think about it more
39:58.6
because you can't express it
40:02.9
you want to express it to.
40:06.9
you limit yourself to two people,
40:10.9
So, you look at almost all of that.
40:12.9
Now, as an adult,
40:14.9
like your relationship with your dad,
40:16.9
I'm observing you,
40:18.9
it's very nice, the dynamic is nice.
40:20.9
How is your dad as a father
40:22.9
now that you know his context?
40:24.9
He's the best dad.
40:28.9
That's all I can say.
40:31.2
He gave me everything.
40:35.2
He gave me as in,
40:37.2
he gave me everything, you know,
40:39.2
something else I can ask for.
40:41.2
Like when you look at him,
40:45.2
it's easier to sleep.
40:55.2
when I see my dad,
40:57.2
I see my dad tired,
41:01.5
because now I see how he works.
41:03.5
Like right now, while you're doing the podcast,
41:05.5
what's he doing now? Fixing your bag, right?
41:09.5
But he's probably done with that,
41:11.5
he's probably back to working.
41:13.5
That's what I mean.
41:15.5
Like when you see your dad now
41:19.5
He's the best dad.
41:21.5
That's all I can say,
41:23.5
because I don't have anything to say.
41:25.5
You're describing
41:27.8
that he'll be the best dad,
41:29.8
not only for your sake,
41:31.8
not only for the audience's sake,
41:33.8
but for the people who know him
41:37.8
and for your siblings as well,
41:39.8
who are watching this.
41:43.8
and from your vantage point.
41:49.8
he wanted us to be best friends.
41:56.1
I felt like that.
41:58.1
Let's not wait for your dad to die
42:00.1
before we give him a tribute, right?
42:06.1
we were best friends.
42:12.1
I had a new family,
42:20.1
you always made it a point
42:22.1
to make sure I was there.
42:40.1
he's very caring.
42:46.1
I feel like he's a very emotional guy.
42:52.1
and he's very passionate.
42:56.1
So, when he believes in things,
42:58.1
he believes in things firmly.
43:08.1
He's very hardworking.
43:14.1
he's the hardest working guy.
43:20.1
I was there for it.
43:22.1
I was there for the nights
43:24.4
that he wasn't home.
43:26.4
I was there for the nights
43:28.4
where he's not able to be
43:30.4
and where I was hoping him
43:38.4
despite sacrificing all these things,
43:42.4
he was putting in the work,
43:44.4
not even for himself,
43:46.4
which is crazy to me.
43:48.4
He's doing it for me and my siblings.
43:54.7
what else can you ask for?
43:58.7
What else can you ask for?
44:02.7
your dad puts food on the table,
44:04.7
you have a house to live in,
44:06.7
you put in a good school,
44:10.7
you give everything you have.
44:12.7
Sometimes, you don't even ask.
44:14.7
That's the craziest thing about it.
44:16.7
Towards the latter part
44:25.0
my face is still a bit puffy.
44:27.0
I'm still a bit dizzy.
44:29.0
But, towards the latter part,
44:31.0
that's when I started to realize
44:39.0
whatever it is that we asked for,
44:41.0
whatever it is that we needed,
44:43.0
this guy somehow finds
44:49.3
he doesn't stop until he gets it.
44:51.3
And it's not even for him.
44:59.3
hands down, I'm just so proud
45:03.3
Like, this trip is your first trip together
45:05.3
out of the states, right?
45:11.3
I didn't realize that.
45:13.3
But yeah, this was
45:21.6
I was going to say thank you.
45:23.6
I was going to write him a letter.
45:25.6
You're probably going to see this video after I write the letter.
45:29.6
I was thinking about writing him a letter.
45:31.6
At least, you know, just really thanking him
45:33.6
because this trip
45:35.6
meant a lot to me.
45:37.6
Explain. I want to know.
45:43.9
There's a tissue.
45:47.9
It's a nice, it's a great reminder
45:51.9
You'll bring it back.
45:53.9
You'll bring it back to your memories.
45:59.9
I was able to spend time with my brother.
46:03.9
He's grown up so much.
46:10.2
I get to reunite with family.
46:20.2
the kind of perspective I get
46:22.2
from each and everyone is different.
46:24.2
And I appreciate it all.
46:28.2
It's a nice reminder
46:32.2
where you are in life.
46:36.2
It's just a nice reminder
46:38.5
of where you are in life because
46:40.5
just a couple of years ago,
46:42.5
you know, I felt so lost.
46:54.5
for some time, I was really scared
46:58.5
not because my dad,
47:00.5
not because my family wasn't there,
47:02.5
but because it was more of
47:04.8
I started to realize
47:08.8
going to take care of you.
47:16.8
mangyari, at the end of the day,
47:20.8
You're the only person in this world
47:22.8
who can take care of yourself
47:24.8
and make yourself happy.
47:30.8
I feel like I started
47:35.1
I'm so grateful I got myself
47:45.1
because my thoughts were
48:03.4
as in, ano na to,
48:07.4
existential crisis
48:13.4
I was thinking na
48:15.4
so, why was I even born?
48:19.4
or all I felt like I was doing was just
48:21.4
giving everybody around me a hard time.
48:25.4
Right? And it's not
48:29.7
it's not that I'm grateful for it,
48:31.7
it's just I don't want anybody to do anything for me anymore.
48:39.7
Not because na iyayabang ka pero ayaw mo na sila
48:41.7
ma-inconvenience.
48:47.7
I feel like a lot of people
48:53.7
might see it that way.
48:58.0
Na nagmamayabang ka
49:04.0
it's just I don't want
49:06.0
to give you anymore hassle.
49:08.0
Like, you've given me so much
49:10.0
I don't want, I want
49:12.0
to be the one to be giving to you naman.
49:20.0
the fact that I wasn't there yet.
49:24.3
Kapag wala ka pang panel
49:26.3
mga times na yun.
49:28.3
As in, kahit gusto kong
49:30.3
bigay ito sa'yo, bigay ito kay ninang,
49:32.3
bigay ito kay mommy, as in,
49:34.3
you know, I want to
49:36.3
I want to give back
49:38.3
to the people who raised me
49:40.3
you know, to Addy's mom,
49:42.3
as in si Tita Lala,
49:44.3
all the people to the village that raised me.
49:46.3
Because God knows
49:48.3
You were raised by a village talaga?
49:58.6
it's been a crazy experience
50:00.6
and I'm just glad I got to pull myself
50:04.6
because that was such a
50:06.6
it's just hard, you know,
50:08.6
and I was keeping that to myself.
50:10.6
I didn't have a cat back then.
50:12.6
I wouldn't even tell
50:14.6
I wouldn't even tell Addy
50:16.6
because I felt like an inconvenience to him.
50:19.9
Umabot ka sa feeling na gano'n talaga, no?
50:21.9
Oo, as in, kahit yung best friend ko na
50:23.9
na lahat sinasabi ko,
50:25.9
tumating na ako sa point na
50:27.9
kahit siya, alam mo yun,
50:29.9
feeling ko inconvenience na ako.
50:34.9
it was Addy, actually,
50:36.9
who helped me get out of that.
50:40.9
I called him, eh. I was talking to him about it.
50:42.9
You know, I was telling him na
50:44.9
at that point, I was breaking down already.
50:48.9
I was telling him na
50:54.9
I'm not going anywhere.
51:00.9
my family doesn't need me.
51:02.9
I feel like they don't want me here.
51:04.9
You know, just these thoughts
51:06.9
na I feel like I was too old
51:08.9
to be still in my dad's house.
51:12.9
I graduated college. I'm still here.
51:14.9
I'm still in my dad's bedroom.
51:17.2
I don't have a job. It's COVID.
51:19.2
It's COVID. All that.
51:21.2
So, okay. So, umabot ka na sa ganun?
51:27.2
there were times I would literally just
51:33.2
Because I felt so
51:37.2
And hopeless. Until
51:39.2
I had that conversation with Addy
51:41.2
where he was just like,
51:47.5
you have to look around
51:49.5
you. Look at the people
51:51.5
around you. Look at the people who are there.
51:53.5
Right? Look at the people who are there.
51:57.5
look. You have siblings
51:59.5
that adore you. Right?
52:03.5
and ninangs who are there for you.
52:05.5
And you have me, bro.
52:07.5
Like you're saying. So gratitude
52:09.5
ang tinuru, ang niremind nya sa'yo.
52:11.5
Gratitude. Kaling.
52:17.8
So now that you have gratitude,
52:19.8
did it change your perspective?
52:21.8
It did. It did so much.
52:23.8
It reminded me to be thankful
52:25.8
for everything I have in front of me.
52:27.8
Literally everything. As in
52:31.8
Just the fact that I'm able to
52:33.8
get up. Just the fact that
52:35.8
I am able to work.
52:37.8
Because, you know,
52:39.8
not everybody is able to
52:42.1
do the things that I'm able to do.
52:48.1
funny because as I was zooming out,
52:50.1
all I had to do was zoom in.
52:52.1
Know what I mean?
52:56.1
Ganda, no? As I was
52:58.1
zooming out, all I had to do was zoom in.
53:00.1
Yeah, because if you're zooming in, that's where
53:04.1
Yun titignan mo talaga
53:06.1
lahat ng ginawa ng bawat isa sa buhay mo
53:08.1
as opposed to pulling back.
53:10.4
I feel like it was more of
53:12.4
me getting to where I
53:18.4
because of me rushing so much
53:24.4
I was more focused
53:26.4
on my future relationships.
53:28.4
Let's say my relationship
53:30.4
with Nina in the future,
53:32.4
with my relationship with my dad in the future,
53:34.4
with my mom in the future.
53:36.4
It feels like I was more focused on that
53:38.7
than actually being in the present.
53:46.7
taong ganun eh. Ang daming
53:50.7
naniniglek nila yung now
53:54.7
they're trying to get ahead
53:56.7
to prepare themselves
53:58.7
to be better for the
54:00.7
person they're with currently in
54:04.7
To the point na yung effort ng
54:07.0
kasama nila ngayon,
54:09.0
na binibigay sa kanila,
54:11.0
I'm busy, sorry, ganyan, sandali,
54:13.0
dahil inasikaso ko naman yung
54:15.0
pag-aalaga ko sa'yo five years from now.
54:19.0
And all you had to do was
54:21.0
snap out of it with Addie's help.
54:27.0
because that really hit me.
54:29.0
He really told me to just be like,
54:31.0
remember, remember
54:33.0
to be grateful for the things around you.
54:35.3
You have so many...
54:37.3
You know, Addie's my biggest
54:45.3
Like, he's literally my biggest hype man.
54:47.3
He's always there.
54:49.3
Like, he's always...
54:51.3
He's not just the type to, ano,
54:53.3
to say, oks lang,
54:55.3
oks yan, ganyan. Siya yung oks yan.
54:57.3
As in, tara, game na yan.
55:03.6
I really appreciated that
55:07.6
it got me out of it. I told him.
55:09.6
I told him that after also. I told him, bro,
55:13.6
our talk, our conversation back then
55:15.6
really pulled me out of a bad place.
55:21.6
So sino ang mga tao?
55:25.6
Sino ang mga tao na, ano,
55:29.9
na talagang nag-shape
55:31.9
ng journey mo from being
55:35.9
to who you are now?
55:37.9
Mommy Vina, right?
55:47.9
But, I would say,
55:55.9
I feel like I owe everything to her.
55:58.2
Ang spoiled ka ron eh.
56:00.2
As in, mahina ang spoiled
56:04.2
Igit pa sa spoiled.
56:06.2
As in, amenado ako doon.
56:08.2
And, you know, frankly, I take advantage of it now.
56:10.2
Nina, I love you.
56:18.2
single someone out, it was
56:24.2
You did everything for me.
56:26.5
As in, you did everything for me.
56:30.5
Things she didn't even have to do.
56:36.5
Siya ang tirador mo eh. Siya ang trigger man mo.
56:38.5
Siya din yung ano...
56:40.5
Siya din yung cushion namin
56:44.5
Yung mga bagay na hindi mo masabi sa tatay mo.
56:46.5
Yung mga kapalpakan mo.
56:48.5
Siya din. Si papa din.
56:52.5
It works both ways.
56:56.8
But, I'm glad because now
57:00.8
I feel like my dad recognizes that I'm
57:06.8
when I say something, I feel like
57:08.8
hindi na siya parang bata ako.
57:12.8
Kumbaga pinakikinggan ka na niya ngayon.
57:16.8
Ano message mo sa nanay mo?
57:18.8
Dalawa nanay ko niya.
57:20.8
Kay Mami Tonichi mo muna.
57:23.1
Message to my mom is...
57:29.1
I'm so proud to call you my mom.
57:31.1
That's your camera.
57:33.1
So proud to call you my mom
57:35.1
and I'm so proud of everything
57:37.1
that you've accomplished in your life
57:39.1
and, you know, the way
57:41.1
the way you do it
57:45.1
the number of lives that you're able to
57:47.1
you know, impact,
57:49.1
help, and change.
57:51.4
It just amazes me, right?
57:53.4
It amazes me because
57:55.4
as much as I want to have
57:57.4
that kind of an impact
58:15.4
Hindi ka naman napipressure sa mga magulang mo, ha?
58:19.7
Kasi, look. My dad.
58:23.7
award-winning artist manager.
58:27.7
My mom, she's vice president
58:31.7
One of the biggest BPO sa Pilipinas.
58:41.7
But not so bad pala.
58:45.7
Best investment nyo.
58:50.0
Ikaw naging motivation nila eh.
58:54.0
Mama Angela, it's um...
59:00.0
Mama Angela, it's
59:08.0
How do you say this?
59:10.0
I know that there's a lot more that we can
59:12.0
do in the future together
59:14.0
and I know that there's a lot more time
59:16.3
to be spent with the family
59:18.3
and I just, you know,
59:20.3
hopefully, we get to
59:22.3
travel around as a family even more.
59:30.3
Dahil mong nanay, no?
59:32.3
Oo nga eh. Suwete ko eh.
59:34.3
Sa Pasko tuloy, ang dami.
59:40.3
it's um, first tips.
59:46.6
when you were like 13 years old.
59:50.6
And taking the reins from there.
59:54.6
I felt like I grew with you.
60:02.6
So much more I want to say.
60:06.6
Para naman pa sila naman ang
60:08.6
matua when they watch this.
60:12.6
I'm just so grateful kasi
60:16.6
Especially to Ninang.
60:24.6
she found a way to understand me.
60:34.6
to understand me.
60:36.6
Even when no one did.
60:40.9
She didn't judge.
60:44.9
Of course, there are times
61:00.9
unconditional love
61:04.9
it came from her and my dad.
61:09.2
last but not least, your dad.
61:11.2
Ikaw nang nagsabi.
61:13.2
Message to your dad.
61:19.2
Grabe, naiyak na ako.
61:31.2
I just want to say that I'm really
61:33.2
I'm super proud of you.
61:37.5
you've accomplished
61:43.5
I know you've had a chip
61:45.5
on your shoulder for the longest
61:53.5
But you've done more than enough.
61:57.5
And you're continuing to do so much more.
62:01.5
Couldn't be prouder than that.
62:03.8
You gave us everything
62:05.8
we needed, everything we wanted.
62:21.8
being the son of someone else.
62:27.8
I felt like I had
62:29.8
the best role models growing up.
62:34.1
but I'm sure close to it.
62:39.1
If you were to go back
62:41.1
to talk to your toddler self,
62:47.1
Tell him to follow his dreams.
62:49.1
What would you tell him?
62:53.1
Itong taong from the beginning of our conversation
62:55.1
an hour ago, itong taong
63:01.4
huwag nalang tatay mo.
63:03.4
Kunyari na, nakita mo yung tatay mo
63:05.4
at saka si Little Paolo
63:07.4
sa harapan ng 50 East Maya
63:09.4
at narinig mo yung tanong ng Little Paolo
63:11.4
na yun sa tatay mo.
63:15.4
Kung pwede ka sumabot sa
63:17.4
conversation na yun, anong gusto sabihin mo sa kanya?
63:19.4
Anong assurance yung ibigay mo sa kanya?
63:21.4
O sa kanilang dalawa?
63:25.4
Sa ganun, Tito, wala eh.
63:33.4
The pain was part of it.
63:37.4
The struggle was the foundation.
63:41.4
And everything else is just
63:43.4
being built on top.
63:45.4
Ladies and gentlemen,
63:51.7
I love you, Nino. Thank you.
63:53.7
Thank you for doing this.
63:55.7
I know I was very sensitive
63:57.7
noong sinimulan namin to.
63:59.7
Alam na namin kung saan pupunta
64:01.7
pero hindi namin na-inspect na dito pupunta.
64:03.7
So thank you very much
64:05.7
for supporting, for watching
64:11.7
we inspire you guys to be better.
