00:29.5
Yeah, I do. I love kids.
00:32.1
When I was younger, I always thought, you know,
00:35.6
the biggest thing that I want to do in life is to be a good dad.
00:38.3
As corny as that is, that is really how I feel.
00:41.9
That's always how I felt.
00:43.2
I have a big family. I have five siblings.
00:46.2
I just, I dream of having, like, a really big family.
00:49.5
I could say na I was raised well by my parents.
00:53.0
I was so loved by my parents.
00:55.7
Tsaka they were so supportive.
00:57.7
Supportive to me in every way.
01:00.0
Somehow I want to replicate that.
01:02.1
Initially, I was on the fence because I have an autoimmune disorder.
01:07.0
So I wasn't sure kung matutuloy yun.
01:09.3
And secondly, I was focusing on my career.
01:12.2
Kasi as an actor, may shelf life ka diba?
01:14.2
So parang by the age of like 35, parang
01:17.6
paano na yung roles, diba?
01:18.6
Puro mga tita, mom na yung roles.
01:20.6
I was really hoping to make the most of my youth.
01:23.7
I'm 34, and I started hosting parties,
01:28.1
children's parties at 17.
01:30.0
And I will never forget the very first day I did it.
01:32.4
I dressed up as the Red Ranger, Power Ranger.
01:34.9
I'm an actor, but I felt silly in that outfit.
01:37.9
But when the kid, the kid was celebrating that birthday,
01:41.9
saw me and was like,
01:43.8
And immediately something clicked in my head like,
01:46.8
okay, it just felt like,
01:50.0
okay, I can probably do this as a dad.
01:52.4
From then on, that seed just kept growing.
01:55.0
And then yung pandemic, ayun, siyempre, nabuntis.
01:57.7
So, walang choice.
02:00.0
And when it happened though, it was the best.
02:02.5
It was the best miracle.
02:03.7
It was the best unplanned baby.
02:06.2
I see it as a fulfillment for me.
02:09.2
And I see it as a sense of purpose in my life.
02:12.6
I see parenthood as an essential thing
02:16.8
or part of my life.
02:20.4
The reason why I don't like to have my own kid,
02:24.0
primarily because of the climate situation
02:26.5
that we are experiencing right now.
02:29.2
I come from a broken family.
02:32.4
As a psych major, I don't want to pass unresolved trauma.
02:36.1
I know that it's me na magkakat ng vicious cycle of trauma.
02:40.4
In that case, we can save a child
02:42.8
na hindi niya ma-experience yung mga naranasan natin from the past.
02:46.3
Doon ako napipressure sa point na
02:47.9
pag in-open up ko yung topic na yun,
02:49.9
ang lagi nilang sasabi sa akin is,
02:51.8
magbabago pa yan?
02:53.0
Paano ka pag tumanda ka?
02:54.5
Sino magaalaga sa'yo?
02:56.4
Actually, it's something ironic.
02:58.1
I am good with kids.
02:59.5
But deep down inside me,
03:00.8
parang hindi ko makita for now yung self ko
03:02.8
na magiging parent in the near future.
03:05.1
I can consider kasi myself as the breadwinner of,
03:07.8
at the same time, ng family.
03:09.0
Dahil pinapaaral ko yung bunso kong kapatid.
03:11.6
So, parang doon palang mama na ako ng kapatid ko.
03:14.7
Feeling ko yung pagiging parent
03:17.0
or pagiging mother is really not my interest talaga.
03:20.8
It's more practical to not have kids.
03:26.5
I would agree with that.
03:28.4
Hindi mo iisipan when you're going out.
03:30.0
Like, if you're going out on a date,
03:32.5
kailangan, like, baby-friendly.
03:34.2
Kailangan yung pagkain baby-friendly.
03:35.8
Kailangan may highchair, may stroller.
03:38.8
It's the most expensive thing you can do.
03:40.7
Let's be honest, everybody.
03:42.0
It's not buying a car.
03:43.3
It's not buying a house.
03:44.3
Here's a human being, you know?
03:46.4
And I'm gonna put it through school.
03:49.0
I'm gonna buy clothes.
03:50.2
I'm gonna feed it.
03:51.2
In the future, mahirap pa paraalan
03:53.1
because of the inflation.
03:54.2
Kung mahal na nga na,
03:55.0
mas magmamahal pa in the future.
03:57.2
So, if we're only talking about practicality
03:59.3
in terms of money, finances,
04:02.2
It's very practical to not have kids
04:04.5
because we're all aware na overpopulated ang Philippines
04:08.5
and then limited na yung mga resources natin.
04:11.0
Ang hirap nang ambuhayin nung sarili mo, eh.
04:13.7
Tapos magdadala ka pa ng isang human being
04:17.1
na hindi siya basta-basta as a pet lang
04:19.6
na pwede mong iwan sa parents mo
04:21.3
or pwede mong iwan.
04:22.2
If you don't have the capacity
04:24.0
or if you don't have the ability
04:26.4
to make the life of your child easier
04:29.2
than your life now,
04:30.7
I guess hindi talaga siya practical.
04:33.4
Is it selfish to not have kids?
04:37.8
I think it's not.
04:39.6
No, I don't think so.
04:40.8
I think yung decision of
04:43.0
whether to have kids or not
04:44.6
is very personal and very subjective, no.
04:48.6
Ang choice na not to have a kid,
04:51.3
I see it as equally valid sa to have a child.
04:54.9
I had so much anxiety about
04:57.2
the world I was going to bring a child into, potentially.
05:00.6
So yun yung main hesitation ko.
05:02.4
I mean, who thought na we were gonna have
05:03.8
another war, nama, in the world?
05:05.7
In the pandemic, we didn't really expect it to happen, nama.
05:08.3
There's just so much to think about,
05:10.1
so I don't think it's selfish to
05:12.4
want to think about yourself,
05:14.8
to want to live your life without
05:16.9
thinking about another person.
05:18.6
Kasi hindi naman selfishness na
05:20.2
piliin mo muna yung self mo for now.
05:22.1
There's a lot more that you should discover about yourself.
05:24.9
Feel ko magiging great parent ka
05:26.4
kapag mas na-discover mo yung self mo
05:29.0
and mas fulfilled ka
05:31.0
kung ano ba yung career path na gusto mo for yourself.
05:33.7
For me, uh, siguro nang galing siya
05:36.0
kasi parang innate na pagbabae ka
05:38.8
na parang ang purpose mo,
05:41.0
ang end-of-life purpose mo is
05:42.8
dapat may anak ka, dapat nanay ka.
05:45.4
It has been drilled into our heads,
05:47.0
not only through religion,
05:48.7
and mostly through religion,
05:50.7
that, you know, you have to go forth and multiply.
05:53.4
Let's face it, it also comes from a place that
05:55.9
you want someone to take care of you when you get older.
05:58.4
I think yun yung notion here in the Philippines na
06:00.8
hala, paano ako pagtumanda?
06:02.0
Sino mag-aalaga sa akin?
06:03.5
Kailangan natin umalis dun sa ganong thinking
06:06.3
kasi una sa lahat, hindi naman retirement pa ng bata.
06:09.4
Yung dad ko kasi, um, very traditional.
06:13.4
So parang sinasabi niya,
06:14.9
oh, kailangan magkapamilya kayo,
06:17.1
kaya nagsisimba kayo,
06:18.4
tapos dadalhin niyo yung mga anak niyo.
06:20.8
Tapos parang cue niya,
06:22.2
obligation talaga na magka-family.
06:24.4
Diba, there's a lot of things that we can do now,
06:26.3
and hindi tayo limited dun sa box na
06:28.7
kailangan natin i-follow yung sa society na
06:30.8
there's a norm na after mag-romadate, mag-awork ka.
06:34.4
After ng work mo, mag-aasawa ka and mag-aanap.
06:38.5
Dapat burahin natin sa isipan natin yung
06:41.2
certain time frame, timeline na sinusunod ng marami.
06:44.3
I think it's actually also selfless in a way
06:48.0
to not bring another person into the world
06:51.0
na kung hindi mo rin siya maaalagaan, diba,
06:52.9
parang why, why, why subject this child to that, diba?
06:56.4
We must remember that
06:58.3
there is no wrong choice in the question
07:00.9
whether to have kids or not.
07:02.4
But rather, what is wrong is
07:04.7
believing to the idea that there is a right choice.
07:07.7
Yes or no, you need to sacrifice a part of yourself to have kids?
07:16.9
And I don't resent that.
07:18.2
I don't take it against my child.
07:20.0
Bringing the baby into the world,
07:22.5
your baby really comes first.
07:23.9
And it's a fact of life.
07:26.2
It's a fact of motherhood, of parenthood.
07:28.4
Once na nagka-anak ka na,
07:30.1
a huge part of your life
07:32.2
dapat ibigay mo sa anak mo.
07:35.0
It's not just you anymore.
07:37.1
It's a responsibility na kailangang panindigans.
07:41.1
Binuhin mo sila, you know?
07:42.6
It is your burden, actually.
07:45.4
Even when you're in a relationship,
07:46.8
you do sacrifice your me-time, right?
07:48.9
For women, you know, because they have to be nursing.
07:51.2
They have to be there all the time.
07:54.9
But I did have moments, especially yung
07:57.4
siguro yung mga first three months of postpartum na parang,
07:60.0
oh my God, ito na lang ba yung buhay ko?
08:01.4
Parang magpapadadaday ka lang every two hours.
08:03.7
So, parang, ay, hindi na ako nakaligo.
08:06.2
I don't regret it.
08:07.2
It's more of, mapapayisip ka talaga.
08:09.4
Parang, is this it now?
08:11.9
Siguro yun yung kailangang prepared ka emotionally.
08:15.0
And bilang lalaki naman,
08:16.9
siguro you should be a great provider.
08:19.4
I'm not saying na dapat mas great provider
08:21.8
ang lalaki compared sa babae.
08:23.2
But, you know, yung stability ba
08:25.0
na kaya mong i-provide sa bata.
08:26.7
It doesn't scare me.
08:28.5
Sacrificing a part of myself,
08:30.4
it doesn't scare me.
08:32.2
I'm scared of how it will change
08:35.4
my relationship with my wife, right?
08:37.1
Because there's a kid in the middle, right?
08:39.2
The attention will have to go to the kid most of the time.
08:41.5
The kid's the boss, right?
08:43.0
Actually, parang pag nag-aanok ka,
08:45.2
parang wala ka ng privacy,
08:47.2
wala na yung, wala na yung mean niya.
08:49.2
Parang, it's a completely different person na.
08:52.3
I think it's not just partially, eh.
08:54.8
It's 100% completely different na sa individual self mo
08:59.0
compared sa pagiging mother self mo, eh.
09:01.6
Siguro it depends.
09:03.5
I feel like I'm not gonna have to sacrifice anything.
09:06.0
I like a part of myself for my kids naman, eh.
09:08.8
Kasi they're a part of me.
09:10.4
I don't think it's actually a sacrifice.
09:13.2
It's more on giving your love to someone
09:15.8
and that's not a sacrifice at all.
09:17.8
Eventually, the fog,
09:19.6
the fog of motherhood kind of lifts
09:21.4
and you realize na
09:22.7
you still can do things for yourself.
09:24.7
And yung mama guilt will eventually,
09:26.9
you'll eventually get better at dealing with it.
09:29.2
It's okay to love yourself
09:31.1
and love your baby at the same time.
09:32.9
Life would be more complete if you had children?
09:44.9
I think that's relative.
09:47.3
Completing your life.
09:49.3
It's objective, isn't it?
09:50.4
I see it as a fulfillment in my sense of purpose in life.
09:54.2
Like, I've always envisioned myself to be a parent.
09:57.7
It's a parang success siya sa akin.
10:00.3
I don't think I need a child to feel complete.
10:02.8
I just want one because I know I could do it
10:05.3
and I know I would love that kid no matter what.
10:08.3
For me, it did complete me as a person
10:10.7
because I've always wanted to have kids.
10:12.5
But for the people who choose not to have children,
10:14.8
that's okay and any choice is valid.
10:17.4
My gosh, they get to see the world.
10:18.8
I don't because I have a child, diba?
10:20.9
They get to do so many different things like
10:23.3
live in different countries,
10:24.8
just travel all over the world,
10:26.5
not think about another baby
10:28.2
and that doesn't make them any less complete.
10:30.6
It's not a shame or you shouldn't feel guilty
10:32.8
about not having a child.
10:34.5
There are a lot of singles out there
10:36.1
or they decided not to have child talaga
10:39.9
and they still feel fulfilled in their life.
10:42.3
The fulfillment of having the child or having a children,
10:46.4
nakukuha ko siya with other people na nasa buhay ko ngayon.
10:50.4
Like for example, I have a niece so ini-spoiled ko talaga siya.
10:54.3
So parang yung fulfillment na maging mother material din ako
10:59.3
for my niece pero not to the point na talaga akin siya.
11:03.7
Kasi mas gusto ko yung nababalik ko.
11:06.6
Yung pag kinakarga ko siya ng ilang minutes lang,
11:09.5
gusto ko ibabalik ko na agad siya.
11:12.5
Yung old-fashioned way of thinking lang as a woman,
11:16.3
you need to have a baby to feel complete
11:18.4
but I don't believe in that.
11:19.8
And that's coming from a mother now, ha.
11:21.5
Parang it just so happens na for me,
11:26.9
my baby is my life.
11:28.2
Like, yuk na iyak ako bigla.
11:30.5
Ano yung kind of life do you imagine having
11:33.2
if you were not to have kids?
11:34.9
Sabi nung ate ko, she's a preschool teacher.
11:37.4
Sabi niya, why not teach?
11:39.1
Sabi niya, baka doon talaga yung calling mo.
11:41.6
And I think I would do that in the future.
11:43.8
Kasi by nurturing young minds, you empower them.
11:47.3
I think yun yung mas makakapagbigay sa'yo ng fulfillment
11:49.9
knowing na the knowledge that you've experienced
11:52.9
in your lifetime will be passed on the next generation.
11:56.2
I see myself na kasama yung partner ko
11:59.0
as my companion in life.
12:00.5
Nakikita ko lang na we are exploring the world together
12:03.9
and at the same time,
12:05.3
I really perceive myself na tutulong ako sa iba.
12:10.0
Yung for example, sa mga kaibigan ko na may mga babies na
12:13.2
if they need help, I want to be that kind of friend.
12:15.8
So, sobrang dami na ng mga tao sa buhay ko
12:19.0
na may mga anak, parang they are looking for someone
12:22.0
na matatakbuhan in case na may kailangan sila.
12:24.8
And I want to be that kind of person.
12:27.0
Should it be more socially accepted to choose to not have kids?
12:33.6
Absolutely, 100%.
12:35.9
Let's base here on the context in the Philippines.
12:38.4
I think hindi siya ganon ka-accepted,
12:40.3
but we are progressively going to that path na
12:43.8
mas nagiging open, ah.
12:45.0
I know so many older people frown upon
12:48.1
yung mga child-free couples,
12:50.6
but seriously guys, stop with the judgment, okay?
12:53.9
I feel like it's being socially accepted naman now,
12:56.2
especially in my generation.
12:58.5
Don't fault people.
12:59.8
Please, don't fault people for not wanting to have children.
13:02.8
Just because you did it, doesn't mean they should.
13:05.4
It should be socially accepted.
13:08.2
Let's not judge people on what they want.
13:11.6
Dapat wala tayong say sa decision nila.
13:14.8
These are personal choices.
13:16.6
We should not take it against these couples
13:18.4
who don't want to have children
13:19.7
because it's their choice
13:21.4
and it doesn't affect your life, diba?
13:25.2
Do whatever makes you happy.
13:26.6
And if you feel like having kids would like
13:29.6
hold you back from that,
13:30.8
then don't do it.
13:31.7
You shouldn't pressure yourself on having a child.
13:34.3
I think you should embrace your solitude for now
13:37.7
and figure out kung ano ba talaga yung calling nyo in your life.
13:41.4
And in that sense,
13:42.4
mas dun yung makahanap kung
13:44.4
fit ba talaga kayo to be a parent or not.
13:46.8
It's okay if you have your dreams,
13:49.2
if you want to fulfill it first
13:51.0
before thinking about anything else.
13:54.1
And dun naman sa mga
13:56.0
may gusto talagang magka-family,
13:58.6
I believe it's also your choice
14:00.8
and we respect that.
14:02.7
Just spread more understanding
14:05.9
and be the person that you want to see in this world.
14:12.1
Hello, everyone. My name is Reva Tadero.
14:13.9
And I'm Saab Josea.
14:14.9
And we are two out of the four cast members of Lungs
14:19.4
that is happening right now
14:20.9
as part of Sandbox Fest 2023.
14:24.0
Lungs is a play about a young couple.
14:28.6
Young, young pa tayo.
14:30.6
A young couple that is deciding whether or not
14:33.1
to have a baby in this post-pandemic world.
14:36.4
You know, with all of the bells and whistles
14:39.5
and problems that we have in the current world.
14:44.2
It is very relevant.
14:45.4
It is one of those shows that really makes you question,
14:49.0
really makes you think,
14:50.5
and just gives you a warm hug
14:53.2
that you are not alone.
14:57.1
And actually, Lungs is directed by the Kaisa Borromeo.
15:01.0
The, yeah, the Kaisa Borromeo.
15:03.2
And it's actually twin billing,
15:04.9
or it's a double feature with Every Brilliant Thing,
15:07.7
which is directed by the Jenny Hamora,
15:10.6
starring Kaki Teodoro,
15:16.0
who is joining us in a special Filipino translated staging
15:20.0
of Every Brilliant Thing.
15:21.6
So these shows will be running
15:23.7
at the Zobel de Ayala Recital Hall
15:25.6
at the Maybank Performing Arts Theater in BGC.
15:30.4
Yeah, and will be running until July 15 only.
15:33.6
So I really hope,
15:34.9
we really hope you can support the shows,
15:37.1
support local theater,
15:38.6
and just support your fellow artists.
15:40.6
Especially now that we're back after the pandemic.
15:44.2
So yes, the plague is over.
