TONI Ep101 | Confessions Of Former Gambling Addicts: How They Lost 50M, Sold 13 Cars & Went To Jail
00:27.0
Yes, kasi lalo na ngayon,
00:29.0
naka-connect yung entertainment sa gambling.
00:33.0
Ngayon mas madali kasi lahat nasa online.
00:37.0
Aksidente lang yun, diba,
00:38.0
yung pagkahiling mo sa gambling?
00:40.0
Yes, yes, kasi ano yun eh,
00:43.0
It's a trip in Vegas, parang incentive yun.
00:48.0
And then, siyempre, as Pilipino,
00:50.0
nakakita ng Pilipino,
00:52.0
sa loob na kasino nag-uwork, dealer.
00:55.0
One dollar po, nanalo ng $18,000.
01:01.0
May tawag sila dyan yung beginner's luck?
01:03.0
Beginner's luck, yan, nakuha ko yun.
01:05.0
Wala talaga akong alam.
01:06.0
Nagurat na lang ako,
01:07.0
biglang tumulog yung,
01:09.0
yung parang jackpot.
01:12.0
nabago na yung value sa money.
01:15.0
Siyempre, kuwid na lang eh.
01:18.0
And then, I tried the casino here.
01:22.0
san taon naman nagpanalo.
01:25.0
Pagano yung mga napapanalo mo nun
01:32.0
Yes, kaya nung...
01:34.0
Kasi nagmillion ng...
01:36.0
Kahit anong gusto ko,
01:37.0
kaya akong bilhin.
01:38.0
Nung time na yun?
01:39.0
Nung time na yun.
01:40.0
Ah, parang naging suwerte yung kamay mo
01:41.0
sa pag-susugal nung time na yun.
01:43.0
Nag-susugal nung time na yun.
01:44.0
Lalalo ka, ma-addict talaga.
01:48.0
yun na, di naman laging panalo eh.
01:50.0
Pinakamalaking natalo mo?
01:57.0
Sinusugal mo lang yun.
02:00.0
In recovery ko kasi na-realize na
02:02.0
gambling is a game of emotion.
02:05.0
Hindi ko na alam bakit ako naglalaro.
02:10.0
I'm just chasing the emotion na.
02:14.0
Binibigay ng gambling sa akin.
02:17.0
Tatlo lang pupunta ng gambler
02:20.0
Jail, institution, and death.
02:24.0
I've been to jail.
02:25.0
Sinabi sa'yo yan?
02:26.0
Sinabi ito sa akin,
02:28.0
tsaka sa mga readings
02:29.0
nung nasa treatment na ako.
02:31.0
Ah, pero nung haman na naging sugal ka,
02:32.0
walang nag-warning sa'yo na?
02:33.0
Sinasabi lang nila,
02:34.0
masama ang sugal.
02:36.0
Nakakasama na sa'yo kasi
02:38.0
iba na yung ginagawa mo sa buhay mo.
02:41.0
Paano naka-apekta yun sa married life mo?
02:44.0
Kawawa moy ko talaga.
02:46.0
Kasi number one, time.
02:48.0
Wala kong time sa kanya.
02:50.0
Magkakalimutan ko talaga
02:51.0
lahat ng responsibilities ko
02:53.0
once na I'm blinded by the addiction.
02:58.0
Ano sabi ng wife mo?
03:00.0
Papaniwala ka nila eh.
03:01.0
Codependency rin.
03:02.0
They love you eh.
03:06.0
walang feelings yun.
03:09.0
Wala nga kaming remorse eh.
03:11.0
Maraming kasi akon yung talaga
03:12.0
mga major fall sa casino
03:15.0
na pag tinignan ng wife ko
03:17.0
talaga napakasakit eh.
03:19.0
Like nung nag-labor siya
03:20.0
nung sa eldest namin,
03:24.0
Tumakas ako sa casino ko
03:26.0
kasi ang intention ko
03:27.0
is to get more money.
03:30.0
Nakakuha ka talaga.
03:32.0
Tatalo lahat yung pambahid namin
03:34.0
pati yung car ko,
03:38.0
mga ganon, mga ganon.
03:42.0
May anak kayo eh.
03:44.0
basakit pag nare-realize ko na ngayon
03:46.0
kasi nasa recovery na ako.
03:48.0
Pero siya nung time na yun?
03:50.0
ako nasa school lang nun.
03:57.0
Hindi ka nag-sorry sa kanya?
03:59.0
Pakita daw mag-sorry.
04:01.0
Lahat naman ganon eh.
04:02.0
Lahat naman ng gambling addict,
04:04.0
Hindi mo'y mimimigay?
04:05.0
Magaling magsalita,
04:06.0
magaling magano eh.
04:11.0
kailangan mabawi ko yung natalo sa akin.
04:12.0
Haba, balik ka na naman.
04:14.0
Kahit na nakabaon na sa utang?
04:17.0
O paano ka bumalik sa paggagambol ulit?
04:19.0
Saan ka kumuha ng pera?
04:21.0
May mga financial institutions sa loob ng kasino.
04:26.0
Doon pwede kang pautangin.
04:30.0
bas naging pangit yung naging end up
04:34.0
kasi it's a business eh, yeah.
04:36.0
Ang pinakamalaking natalo sa'yo
04:39.0
na nawalang pera sa'yo
04:40.0
sa pagkinumpyot mo.
04:42.0
Basta sinabi ko nalang
04:43.0
I'll close the book at 50M.
04:48.0
Ang natalo mo sa kasino?
04:57.0
Ang sinabasakit pa do'y iba,
04:58.0
hindi pa sa akin.
04:59.0
Company cars pa nung mga pinasukong.
05:01.0
Kaya ka nakulong?
05:04.0
Ano nangyari do'n?
05:05.0
Ah, desperation na talaga.
05:07.0
Paano ka nakulong?
05:08.0
Yung pagsasalyan pala namin,
05:12.0
O ano nang sabi sa'yo
05:14.0
Kasi nang dami nilang beses na...
05:19.0
Matigas talaga yung ulo ko.
05:21.0
Di sila nagsawang tumulong.
05:25.0
wala, hindi ko pa rin makuha yung point eh.
05:28.0
Nung kala ko nabsulte lang ako.
05:30.0
Sabrang salbahin na talaga.
05:33.0
Ako yata yung prodigal sana 13 times na
05:36.0
nagpabalik-balik eh.
05:38.0
Ang bait na ang sawa mo.
05:39.0
Sobra yung patience at pagmamahal niya sa'yo.
05:41.0
Kasi hindi siya nag-give up.
05:42.0
Hindi naman niya ako nakilala ng gambler eh.
05:45.0
Tagal namin mag-girlfriend-boyfriend.
05:46.0
Alam niya, maayos ako eh.
05:48.0
After kasi nung jail,
05:51.0
tinreak in na nila ako sa isang psych ward.
05:53.0
Ay, psych ward na?
05:56.0
Wala naman yung decent na addict na mapayag
05:58.0
na magpareha sa sarili eh.
06:01.0
Hindi, pero nung dinadala ka do'n.
06:02.0
Tinreak nila ako.
06:03.0
Hindi, hindi ko alam.
06:04.0
Wala akong check-up lang eh.
06:06.0
Anong ginawa sa'yo sa psych ward?
06:10.0
Siyempre, sugaran lang naman ako eh.
06:13.0
Oh, isipin mo para to sa mga addict,
06:17.0
Pinaglaruan ko lang yung mga pasyente do'n.
06:20.0
wala akong problema eh.
06:24.0
Iniisip ko wala akong psychological problem.
06:28.0
Pero mas worse pala ako.
06:30.0
Na-reveal sa'yo yung mga
06:32.0
ugali na meron ka
06:34.0
na hindi mo alam na ganun ka na pala.
06:36.0
Ano pa yung mga lumabas na na-realize mo?
06:42.0
every trauma pala, even in the childhood,
06:46.0
pag yan eh nakahanap ng
06:48.0
magandang gate bulb na addiction,
06:51.0
doon nila ipopour out lahat ng emotions.
06:54.0
So may unhealed pain ka nung childhood?
06:56.0
Doon ko lang na-discover, no.
06:58.0
Meron pala akong issue with...
07:02.0
Shame and yeah, yung
07:04.0
authoritative figure.
07:07.0
So doon ko na-realize, ah may ganun pala ako.
07:11.0
mini-mirror back ko na rin pala yung
07:17.0
Kasi nagiging narcissistic din ako.
07:20.0
So after mong one year lumabas sa facility,
07:23.0
kamusta na yung nag-i-relationship mo sa wife mo?
07:25.0
Kamusta na yung family life mo?
07:27.0
How are you as a husband and a father now?
07:29.0
Siyempre, top-level lang muna sila.
07:32.0
Kasi may sarili rin silang program eh.
07:36.0
Oo, kasi habang nagre-recover ako sa facility,
07:39.0
sila rin nagt-therapy.
07:41.0
Ah, kasi may, ano sila, trauma from you?
07:43.0
Kaya paglabas ko,
07:45.0
kailangan maayos yung,
07:48.0
ano, di na pwede yung dati kong way.
07:51.0
Kasi manipulative na ako eh.
07:54.0
Lahat kailangan mag-recover,
07:55.0
lahat kailangan mag-adjust.
07:57.0
Lahat kailangang mag-adapt.
07:59.0
So kung may mga nanonood sa atin ngayon,
08:01.0
na marahil sila naman yung dumadaan
08:04.0
sa pinagdaanan mong gambling addiction,
08:06.0
anong gusto mong sabihin sa kanila?
08:08.0
Kasi pinagdaanan mo na yan.
08:10.0
Well, there's help.
08:11.0
Meron na kasi ngayon na mga fellowship na
08:14.0
nagt-therapy face-to-face
08:16.0
at meron din by Zoom.
08:18.0
So you just need to search for
08:22.0
a certain support group
08:25.0
here in the Philippines
08:26.0
that will work for you.
08:27.0
Oo, pero nang gano'n.
08:29.0
Talaga itinuklas ko yung sakit ko.
08:31.0
Yung admittance ko talaga sobrang
08:34.0
hundred percent na
08:36.0
manageable ako sa gambling.
08:39.0
One is too many and a thousand is never enough sa akin.
08:42.0
Kaya kailangan pangalagahan ko yung unang taya ko lang.
08:46.0
Kasi yun lang ang maaalala ko eh.
08:48.0
So gambling addiction pala,
08:49.0
it's a lifelong recovery.
08:52.0
Nandun lagi yung urge.
08:54.0
Ilalabanan mo lang.
08:55.0
Yes, kaya kailangan meron kang
09:00.0
sa mga triggering emotion.
09:04.0
Oo, so ang pinalit mo ay?
09:06.0
Outdoor therapies, mga gano'n.
09:10.0
Ayun, attending sa meetings,
09:12.0
hearing the newcomers.
09:14.0
Pag umating ka kasi doon,
09:16.0
maririnig ko yung sarili ko doon eh
09:18.0
na nagsasalita as a newcomer.
09:21.0
Ang nakuha ko sa'yo is the admittance.
09:23.0
Yung first, dapat natanggapin mo sa sarili mo na
09:26.0
yes, I am this person.
09:28.0
Kasi hanggang di mo tinatanggap sa sarili mo
09:30.0
na gano'ng klase kang tao.
09:32.0
Hindi ka mag-heal, hindi ka magbabago,
09:34.0
hindi ka mag-move forward in life.
09:36.0
And number two is,
09:38.0
addiction is not only affecting one person,
09:40.0
it affects the whole family,
09:42.0
it affects the whole community.
09:46.0
hindi kahealthy and kaganda.
09:49.0
Para sa society natin.
09:51.0
nagpapasalamat tayo kay Kuya Regan.
09:53.0
Ang sunod naman po makakasama natin ngayon
09:55.0
kay isang youth leader na secretly
09:58.0
ay gambling addict na noon.
10:00.0
Kaya tunghayan po natin ang kwento ng pag-asa
10:02.0
at magbabago ni Brother Velden Lim.
10:08.0
Member ka na ng isang youth group.
10:13.0
So, parang iisipin mo
10:15.0
na kay Lord na siya, okay na siya.
10:17.0
Pero may secret life siya.
10:19.0
I started out as a young,
10:21.0
good, technically good boy
10:23.0
kasi I was a church boy
10:25.0
siguro early on in my life.
10:27.0
Bata pa lang ako.
10:28.0
Nagko-choir na kami,
10:30.0
along with my brothers and sisters.
10:32.0
And then later on,
10:33.0
I became an active member
10:35.0
of a parish youth group in our parish.
10:39.0
naging leader ako noon.
10:40.0
So, nung ako na yung youth leader,
10:42.0
pinaka-head nung youth group,
10:44.0
nagsa-start na ako magtrabaho noon eh.
10:46.0
Doon na ako nagkaroon ng addiction to gambling.
10:50.0
tama ka yung ano eh.
10:52.0
na kay Lord ka na.
10:53.0
So, kakainin ka ng konsensya mo.
10:58.0
pag-addict ka na eh,
10:59.0
parang you try to...
11:01.0
In fact, I was trying to bargain with the Lord.
11:03.0
Lord, ititigil ko na to.
11:05.0
Panalunin mo lang ako ulit.
11:10.0
It was a foolish prayer.
11:13.0
So, paano nag-start yung gambling?
11:15.0
It was just one day,
11:17.0
yung mga kabarkada ko,
11:19.0
mga pababata ko ito noon,
11:21.0
niyaya ako mag kasino.
11:24.0
And so, being a church boy,
11:27.0
di ba masama yan?
11:29.0
hindi, okay lang yan.
11:31.0
Sumama ako sa kanila.
11:32.0
And lo and behold,
11:36.0
naging 20,000 pesos
11:38.0
in just less than 30 minutes.
11:40.0
So, para sa akin,
11:42.0
bago pa lang nagtatrabaho noon,
11:48.0
yung mga kaibigan ko,
11:50.0
sila, hindi naman sila
11:52.0
Sila pa nga nago...
11:53.0
Good time lang sila.
11:54.0
Yes, good time lang.
11:55.0
Sila pa nga nag-warn sa akin eh,
11:56.0
uy, huwag kang babalik dito ah.
11:58.0
Baka ma-addict ka dito.
11:59.0
Huwag kang babalik dito
12:00.0
na hindi kami kasama.
12:01.0
Baka hindi mo makontrol sarili mo.
12:03.0
Yan yung pagkakamali ko.
12:05.0
Bumalik ka talaga mag-isa?
12:06.0
Bumalik ako mag-isa.
12:09.0
try ko kaya mag-isa.
12:10.0
Kahit konti lang,
12:12.0
Ngayon hanggang sa
12:14.0
lumalaki na yung dosage mo,
12:15.0
hindi ko na sila kasama.
12:17.0
Nawala na yung self-control,
12:19.0
Nawala na talaga.
12:21.0
dumating na ako sa punto na,
12:23.0
my funds are limited.
12:27.0
bagong tatrabaho pa lang.
12:31.0
sasangla ako yung cellphone ko,
12:33.0
sasangla ako yung laptop ko,
12:37.0
dumating sa point na,
12:40.0
binidraw ko na lahat ng investments ko,
12:46.0
lahat ng savings ko,
12:48.0
at ipinanlaro ko na.
12:50.0
Alam ng family yan?
12:52.0
Hindi alam ng parents ko.
12:54.0
they thought that I was just,
12:56.0
gumigimik lang ako pagkagabi.
12:59.0
A gambler's mentality,
13:03.0
laging merong chance sa bumawi.
13:05.0
Kaya lang hindi ako makabawi,
13:07.0
kasi kulang yung funds ko.
13:10.0
So, during that time,
13:12.0
I was working in our family business.
13:14.0
My dad is an engineer.
13:16.0
My mom takes care of the finances of the business.
13:22.0
Child of the owner.
13:24.0
I was in charge of the operations.
13:31.0
pag nasa company business ka,
13:32.0
pampasweldo ng tao,
13:34.0
ng pambili materyales,
13:43.0
What if kunin ko yung pera na yun?
13:45.0
Hiraming ko lang,
13:55.0
that was around 5 a.m. in the morning.
13:57.0
I can remember this vividly.
14:00.0
I was down back to my 500 peso chip.
14:04.0
nung tinaya ko yung 500 pesos na yun,
14:07.0
para akong ewan nun.
14:09.0
I was praying to the Lord.
14:12.0
hindi ko na ito pera.
14:13.0
Pera na ito ng nanay-tatay ko.
14:14.0
Please, panalunin mo.
14:16.0
ganun ako kong desperado.
14:18.0
Sa gitna ng kasalanan mo,
14:20.0
i-bless yung kasalanan mo.
14:22.0
But I was so desperate.
14:28.0
When the cards turned,
14:35.0
umiyak ako sa harapan ng mesa.
14:37.0
Sa harapan ng dealer.
14:39.0
But while I was driving
14:43.0
I was already thinking,
14:46.0
paano ko ito sabihin sa nanay at tatay ko?
14:48.0
Hindi nila alam na nagsusugal ako.
14:50.0
And then, come 6 a.m.,
14:52.0
yung nanay ko pumasok sa kwarto.
14:58.0
just like a normal mama,
15:02.0
niyakap ko yung nanay ko
15:04.0
for the first time
15:07.0
gusto sorry lang ako.
15:08.0
Sorry, sorry, sorry, mami.
15:10.0
bakit? Ano nangyari?
15:13.0
kinuwento ko sa kanya,
15:15.0
nalulunga ko sa sugal.
15:16.0
Hindi ninyo alam.
15:17.0
And today is the worst day
15:19.0
kasi yung pera na pinagkatiwala nyo sa akin,
15:25.0
So, I was expecting my mom na
15:31.0
kabaligtanan yung na-receive ko.
15:33.0
Niyakap niya ako mahigpit.
15:36.0
ang sinabi niya sa akin,
15:38.0
di ko makakalimutan.
15:39.0
Tapos, sabi niya,
15:41.0
di mahalin na yung pera.
15:44.0
kikitain ulit natin yan ng daddy mo.
15:46.0
Madaling kitain yan.
15:48.0
Pero, ang mahalaga ikaw.
15:50.0
Tapos, sabi niya,
15:51.0
hindi kasi ganyan yung pagkakakilala ko sayo.
15:55.0
mabuti kang bata.
15:56.0
You're a good boy.
15:57.0
You're a good leader.
16:00.0
she just hugged me.
16:03.0
iyak ako ng iyak.
16:04.0
Nakiiyak siya sa akin.
16:07.0
I believe that was the turning point of,
16:13.0
para akong nahimaswasan,
16:14.0
para akong naiyakap ni Lorne.
16:18.0
Hindi ka kinundim,
16:22.0
hindi ka pinagalitan.
16:23.0
Yung ine-expect mong itatakwil ka na,
16:26.0
kasigawang ka na,
16:27.0
susumbatan ka na,
16:29.0
Minahal ka pa ng sobra.
16:33.0
parang nagpatawad agad.
16:34.0
Doon ako nagulat.
16:36.0
Doon ako nagulat.
16:38.0
it was just a spirit-filled
16:41.0
Tawag dito, moment.
16:43.0
what to top it off,
16:45.0
the following day,
16:47.0
dito ako nagulat,
16:48.0
paasok siya sa kwarto.
16:49.0
Binigyan niya ako ulit ng pera.
16:52.0
bumili ka ng materiales,
16:54.0
pasweldo mo yung mga tao.
16:58.0
the love was restored,
17:01.0
and the trust was restored as well.
17:03.0
It's as if telling me na parang,
17:05.0
sige, kaya mo bumangon.
17:09.0
that turned around my whole life.
17:13.0
kanina nung I was listening to
17:15.0
your interview with Reagan,
17:19.0
hindi ko alam paano nangyari yung,
17:21.0
kung paano ko binago,
17:23.0
paano ko tumigil sa gambling.
17:27.0
it's because of the unconditional love
17:29.0
that I have received.
17:31.0
the Lord is real,
17:33.0
God's forgiveness and unconditional
17:35.0
is always available.
