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00:00.0
Bigi, bakla ka ba?
00:01.3
Grabe ko po akapin yung feminine side ko.
00:03.5
I used to play Barbie.
00:04.7
I used to play Polly Pocket.
00:06.6
Yeah, mama. Proud po ako doon.
00:10.4
So, ano sabi ng mommy mo after you did that movie?
00:15.2
She was so uncomfortable.
00:17.1
Why? Why? Bakit? Bakit? Ganyan.
00:19.0
Noong na-premiere na, she walked out of the cinema.
00:21.5
Hindi niya po kinaya, so umalis siya.
00:25.3
Habang nanonood ako, nakikita ko siyang pa-exit ng cinema.
00:28.5
Sabi niya, sorry pero hindi ko lang talaga kaya makita ka.
00:33.1
Sa senior high naman, parang halos lahat ng mga bata doon na intriga.
00:37.5
Mahusay ka magtago?
00:38.9
Bakit naman ganun? I-insecure ako, ganyan.
00:41.2
So, hindi ka napipikot?
00:42.8
Hindi naman po ako maging hypocrite.
00:46.1
My father's gay, pala. Never niyang inamin sa amin niyo.
00:51.6
Anong cause ng kanyang pagkamatay?
00:54.0
He was shot dead. He was... He got killed.
00:58.5
We don't know the guy anymore. We don't... I don't know my dad anymore.
01:04.5
Ako talagang humirit na ma-interview siya one-on-one.
01:08.8
Isa sa mga hinahangang kong artista sa senior high.
01:12.5
Napaka-husay nilang lahat pero hana'y pang-acting nito.
01:16.0
Aking kausap ngayon.
01:17.4
Miggy Jimenez. Hi, Miggy.
01:20.1
Yung Team Pots, actually doon ka pinaka-nakilala pero lumabas ka na rin sa Ibano sa Game Boys.
01:28.5
At may iba ka pang ginawa.
01:30.6
Pero yung Team Pots, yung inyong parang may pagka-BL na anggolo ninyo ni Zijan Haranilla sa senior high.
01:39.1
Parang pumatok yun. Bigla kayo nagkaroon ng love team ni Zijan Haranilla.
01:43.0
Yeah. Very unexpected, mama.
01:45.1
Well, una pa lang naman po nila atag sa amin bago kami mag-sort ng senior high.
01:48.2
May idea naman kami ni Zijan na magkakaroon kami ng pair-up.
01:51.1
Pero it's basically a secret.
01:53.5
Hindi rin muna pwedeng ikwento o ipasok sa sistema ng characters namin na may ganong mangyayari.
01:58.5
Kasi parang hindi po ma-pre-empt ng mga tao.
02:00.5
Hindi siya yung parang, ah hindi, alam na namin na mangyayari to.
02:03.6
So basically, yun po kasi the thing with seri.
02:06.2
Kasi you don't know what's gonna happen next eh.
02:08.3
Until makuha niya po yung panibagong script.
02:10.3
So kami ni Zijan, usapan namin gaga.
02:12.3
We're very comfortable sa isa't isa.
02:14.0
Yung ugali namin, halos parehas lang din na makulit.
02:16.5
Sobrang na-enjoy lang din yung trabaho.
02:18.1
Garoon din yung kalakas yung pagmamahal sa craft.
02:20.3
So malaking bagay po na we had that connection before pa po namin kunan yung mga eksena namin na Steam Potch.
02:26.2
And I'm very grateful for Zijan.
02:27.8
Sobrang iba po siya katrabaho.
02:29.5
Sobrang professional and he listens.
02:31.2
So very important po sa akin yung collaborative po na relationship sa work.
02:35.5
So paano niyo pinaghandaan yung mga scene ninyo?
02:39.5
Yung mga moments nyo na titigan lang, konting hawak siyan para pakiligin yung mga fans?
02:45.7
Siguro mama, it's more of ano, nagkofocus kami sa bawat characters namin as individuals.
02:50.4
So siya, isipin niya as Tim.
02:52.0
I'll think about my character as Potch.
02:54.0
And then, pag binasa na namin yung script,
02:55.9
if we have inputs, lagi kami ni Zijan na,
02:58.3
Tol, okay ba sa'yo na sa gantong part na to, ganto yung gawin ko?
03:01.9
Comfortable ka ba na ganyan?
03:03.2
Para magtugma, hindi po yung parang on the spot namin na,
03:06.6
I mean, masarap po mag-explore, pero mas masarap na may consent lagi.
03:09.8
Which is, yun yung nagpapatatag lalo sa relationship ng mga co-actors.
03:14.5
Which is consent and to talk things about kung ano muna yung bago gawin sa eksena.
03:18.5
And you consider this yung senior high na parang turning point ng iyong career?
03:25.9
Pero as much as possible, I try to be humble and let go of the noise
03:30.5
sa naririnig ko from the gratitude na appreciation ng mga tao,
03:34.6
sa performance namin, sa performance ko.
03:37.0
I do appreciate them and I wanna thank them as much as possible.
03:40.1
Pero tinatry ko siyang in-mute kasi ayokong magpalunod.
03:43.7
And I won't allow myself na magpalunod sa bawat success na pwede kong makuha sa life na to.
03:48.0
And also with Tim Potch, malaking tulong si Derek Onat.
03:51.0
Si Derek Onat talaga sobrang tutok.
03:52.5
Aminado siya doon na sobrang tutok siya sa tandem.
03:55.9
And doon ko lang din nalaman na no-ending namin noong nag-media con po kami noong finale na that's his story.
04:03.5
So parang sabi ko ang laking bagay na ginawa po namin for ilang months tapos unknowingly na may ganun pa po kung mas malalim.
04:11.5
And marami pong tao na nakaka-relate sa characters po namin ni Zidge na yun po unconsciously hindi namin alam na ganun pala kalakas talaga yung epekto na umaabot po personally sa mga tao.
04:21.9
So parang nakataba po ng puso.
04:24.2
And na ganun po na na-appreciate.
04:25.9
Okay, sa senior high naman parang halos lahat ng mga bata doon na intriga.
04:31.5
Wala kami narinig kay Potch, kay Mickey.
04:34.3
Mahusay ka magtago?
04:35.8
Hindi siguro mahusay.
04:37.1
Siguro po nagtatrabaho lang po talaga ako.
04:39.2
Siguro kasi pagpunta ko po sa taping pag maaga na pakap, uwi po hagan eh.
04:43.7
Siguro it's another factor na taga-Paranaque po ako lang po yung taga-South sa kanilang lahat.
04:48.1
So I'd rather go home and sleep.
04:50.1
Kasi mabilis maubos yung social battery ko mamay.
04:52.1
So pag may mga events po siguro parang sobrang ambivert ako.
04:55.9
Parang minsan introvert ako depends on the energy that you give me.
04:59.1
Or extrovert naman ako when it's most needed.
05:01.5
And at the same time, pag work po talaga work lang ako eh mamay.
05:04.5
Kaya ko sabihin yun na ganun po ako dedicated sa work.
05:07.3
So parang I try to block off everything.
05:09.7
Lahat na pwedeng makapull sa akin pababa.
05:11.8
And alam ko po yung galawa na eh.
05:13.9
Alam ko na po yung galawa ng showbiz.
05:15.3
Konting ano lang pwede na ako makall out, pwede na ako na.
05:17.6
Kahit hindi ko naman din ginawa or what.
05:19.7
So I try to be maingat.
05:21.4
Which is yun po yung term nyo kanina.
05:22.6
Kasi for 16 years mamay.
05:25.9
Atan ko po sa karyer ko, I don't want to mess up.
05:28.0
I don't want to mess it up in a wrong way or in such a bad way.
05:31.4
But I'm not scared of making mistakes.
05:33.4
And yun naman po din yung magtuturo sa atin ng mga lessons sa life.
05:36.8
Most of the time, especially making mistakes.
05:38.8
But at the same time, I try to be cautious.
05:41.5
Maingat lang po talaga ako mama.
05:42.9
Kasi hindi ko pa nakukuha yung dream na dream ko.
05:45.5
And then I don't want to ruin it just for a thing or something else
05:49.6
na hindi naman yun yung pinaghirapan ko to get.
05:51.9
Hindi ka natatakot na matayit ka?
05:54.0
I just really want to...
05:55.2
do explore sana as an actor in any role sana.
05:58.7
Pero I've been doing kasi BL.
06:00.2
So parang as much as possible kung kaya pong lumayo dun muna,
06:04.6
Pero kung another story ng BL,
06:07.0
pero ibang timpla naman ngayon,
06:08.9
malayo kay Poch, malayo dun sa mga ibang ginawa ko before.
06:11.9
Because it's still a story mama.
06:13.0
I never ko po tinitignan na mali yung...
06:14.7
dahil sa gender na pinaportray ko.
06:16.1
It's still a story.
06:17.0
It's a love story.
06:18.0
It's a human being.
06:19.4
So dapat wala pong maling angle na natitignan ko.
06:21.7
Siguro kaya ka nabigyan ng ganong moments
06:23.6
o ganong mga eksena.
06:25.7
Dahil nakita nila yung pagiging effective mong actor
06:29.9
dun sa isang BL movie,
06:33.8
Doon, Diyos ko, naloka ako.
06:35.2
Dahil parang huling pakikipagniig mo na yun
06:37.4
sa dalawa pang lalaki.
06:39.7
What made you decide na gawin yung eksena?
06:42.1
Gawin yung movie?
06:45.1
Siguro po simula ako mama sa malaking bagay.
06:47.7
Yung gabay na binigay sa kanya,
06:51.0
Direk Percy, Direk Jun,
06:52.9
And malaking bagay po yun kasi
06:54.6
una siyempre nag-in-offer po sa akin yung project
06:56.9
and then I was like,
06:57.7
paano ko gagawin to?
06:59.2
I-explain ko po sa kanya na maraming self-talk.
07:01.0
Maraming beses na kinausap po po yung sarili ko
07:02.9
kung ano ba Miggy,
07:05.7
huwag natin sayangin yung oras ng iba.
07:07.2
Kasi hindi lang naman ako,
07:08.1
lagi ko kino-consider,
07:09.1
hindi lang naman po kapag may project ko ang gagawin,
07:11.3
I'll dial lang dun yung mga tao lahat para sa akin.
07:13.5
It doesn't work that way.
07:14.5
So I'm working also.
07:16.1
They're also working for themselves.
07:22.9
Sa limitations ko bilang aktor.
07:24.9
And when I did it,
07:26.0
when I finished it,
07:26.8
iba yung feeling na natapos ko.
07:29.3
Iba po yung sense of relief and accomplishment.
07:32.2
So parang seeing it now as one for the books,
07:35.5
So ano sabi ng mommy mo
07:37.5
after you did that movie?
07:40.1
Napanood ba niya?
07:42.0
My friends did as well.
07:43.6
Yung mom ko naman,
07:44.8
at first pa lang,
07:45.7
yung trailer pa lang,
07:47.0
actually before shooting pa lang,
07:48.4
nukunento ko yung concept.
07:49.6
She was so uncomfortable.
07:53.5
So pina-explain ko nung po sa kanya,
07:56.4
it's a story and it's gonna be well-executed
07:58.4
na alaga naman po ko
07:59.8
ng bawat na tao na nandun.
08:02.5
noong na-premiere na,
08:03.5
she walked out of the cinema.
08:05.0
Hindi niya po kinaya.
08:06.6
Nagpaalam naman po siya.
08:07.4
Nag-text siya sa akin.
08:08.3
Miggy, alis na ako.
08:09.1
Hindi ko kaya panunan.
08:10.6
siguro mga one-fourth ng film.
08:13.2
One-fourth ng film.
08:14.2
Kasi may mga nag-start na yung mga
08:15.6
love scene, ganyan.
08:18.6
Habang nanonood ako,
08:19.6
nakikita ko siyang
08:20.4
pa-exit ng cinema.
08:22.1
I'm very proud of you.
08:23.4
Sorry, pero hindi ko lang talaga
08:26.8
Malaking bagay na po
08:32.0
hindi nila alam kung paano itatanong.
08:36.6
Hindi ko kaya mag-cancel.
08:38.5
we never had that conversation, mama.
08:40.2
If ever, like hypothetically,
08:42.2
I feel like I'd get
08:43.3
the 100% support from her.
08:45.3
That's the thing.
08:45.7
Because my sister is also
08:47.9
So, it's a big thing.
08:49.0
That's why walang problema
08:50.0
sa yung mga konsepto pong ganyan.
08:53.1
I'm grateful to grow up.
08:54.5
Nabubuksan po kagad
08:56.9
na parang wala nga namang mali
08:58.0
kasi sister ko mismo eh.
09:02.4
she's gonna fully support it.
09:03.8
So, meron ka bang mga
09:05.9
na nagtatanong sa'yo?
09:07.2
Bigi, bakla ka ba?
09:09.9
yung yung doing DLs.
09:11.1
Hindi po mawawala yung question na
09:14.7
So, ako feeling ko naman po,
09:17.1
hindi ko siya gagawa ng issue
09:18.2
based on them asking
09:19.5
kasi they're just trying to
09:21.0
compile everything
09:24.5
baka naman, di ba?
09:25.3
Pero, I answered them completely
09:27.2
na straight po ako
09:30.8
grabe ko po akapin
09:31.7
yung feminine side ko
09:32.7
and even nung bata ako mama,
09:34.4
nagpapabili ako na
09:35.2
not just, you know,
09:37.2
nasa-sexualize din po
09:38.1
yung mga toys, di ba?
09:38.9
Having hot girls,
09:40.4
yun yung laruan dapat
09:42.1
I used to play Barbie.
09:43.5
I used to play Polly Pocket.
09:46.0
Proud po ako dun.
09:47.1
I mean, honestly,
09:48.1
aksaya kaya bihisan yung mga,
09:50.5
ang ganda nung idea lang.
09:52.1
As a stylish person din,
09:53.9
pwede bihisan mo yung mga dolls.
09:55.3
Parang, oh, damn.
09:56.2
Makakalaro rin po ako
09:58.6
I get to jive din.
09:59.8
Walang gender na tingin-tingin.
10:01.7
So, hindi ka napipikot?
10:03.4
Hindi naman po ako maging hypocrite.
10:04.6
Siguro ng mga unang years, yes.
10:06.2
Especially yung walang gabay pa masyado
10:08.1
at walang knowledge pa masyado
10:09.5
or, kumbaga, acceptance in a way.
10:11.7
Bakit naman gano'n?
10:12.4
Nai-insecure ako, ganyan.
10:14.0
Pero, habang tumatagal,
10:15.6
mas dun po ako natututo
10:16.7
na akapin yung buong-buong sarili ko.
10:18.5
Kahit may sabihin yung ibang tao.
10:20.0
Kasi, mas importante naman na
10:21.6
love mo yung sarili mo,
10:22.7
kilala mo yung sarili mo,
10:23.7
and kahit ano po sabihin,
10:24.6
it doesn't matter.
10:26.0
kapag gumagawa ng mga BL series,
10:29.5
kadalasan ang kwento nila, eh,
10:31.8
dumadami yung mga
10:33.3
admirers nilang gay.
10:36.2
indecent proposals.
10:38.7
Siguro, unconsciously,
10:40.1
hindi ko po alam kung
10:41.1
indecent proposal man.
10:42.8
Because, honestly,
10:43.6
I appreciate the messages,
10:46.1
the appreciation of my work.
10:47.7
Yun po kasi yung nagpapafuel sa'kin
10:49.2
lalo to keep going.
10:50.4
Pero, kung sa indecent proposal,
10:51.8
parang hindi ko po sure
10:52.7
kung indecent proposal yun.
10:54.2
Unless, maging specific talaga sila na,
10:57.7
Gusto mo padalang kita ng ganyan-ganyan.
11:00.1
siguro, kung indecent proposal po yung mga,
11:02.1
pwede ba tayo mag-meet,
11:02.9
mag-lunch, ganyan.
11:04.0
I feel like indecent proposal po siguro yun.
11:06.0
Pero, hindi lang ako makagat talaga.
11:07.5
Because, honestly,
11:08.2
I just wanna keep on working.
11:10.1
And, yun nga po yung sabi niyo sa'kin kanina na,
11:11.7
i-appreciate ko lang.
11:12.6
Which is, that's what I'm doing.
11:13.5
I appreciate ko lang po yung love
11:14.5
na binibigay ng mga tao
11:15.6
kahit anong angle o
11:17.2
kung papanong way man nila
11:18.9
gusto magbigay ng love.
11:21.4
Kilala ka rin na ally ng LGBTQ.
11:24.1
So, sumasama ka rin sa mga
11:26.9
Sa school po namin, mga mga.
11:28.6
Meron kami lagi sa CSB,
11:30.2
parang per year na
11:31.3
may LGBT pride march.
11:33.6
Kami ng mga ibang friends ko rin na ally.
11:36.7
Like, every time may hawa kaming flag
11:39.1
We just wanna celebrate them.
11:41.2
And, it's a thing na parang,
11:43.0
kasi wala talaga angle
11:45.7
Bakit kailangan may stereotype?
11:47.2
Paano ba nabuhay yung stereotype na yan?
11:49.2
Paano ba nabuhay yung stigma?
11:50.7
Maging issue yung
11:53.2
It doesn't even have to be a topic or issue.
11:55.3
Kasi, yun yung trip niya sa buhay.
11:57.3
Yung saliligang buhay,
11:58.2
yung focus on your life.
12:00.8
ang weird lang po na issue.
12:07.2
Kasi, diba, parang nakakasama
12:10.2
tao lang naman po tayong lahat eh.
12:11.9
Minaramdaman naman tayong lahat.
12:14.0
my father's gay pala.
12:16.2
Never niyang inamin sa amin yun.
12:17.9
And, kaya ako sinasabi sa iyo,
12:19.5
whole good ko sinasabi sa iyo
12:20.5
na wala akong problema.
12:21.6
Kasi, I was still young.
12:22.7
And, nakikita ko na yung mga pruweba.
12:25.0
nakakaamoy na ako
12:26.0
noong time na yun.
12:29.5
kasi lahat po siya showbiz.
12:36.0
Honest naman kami ng mga kapatid
12:39.2
Kasi, kung gay ka naman,
12:41.3
Atanggapin ka naman namin
12:42.1
ang buong buo eh.
12:43.2
So, never niyang inamin sa amin yun.
12:45.1
Isa sa mga sama ng loob ko yun
12:47.2
atanggapin ka naman namin.
12:48.1
Hindi naman magbabago
12:48.8
yung tingin namin sa iyo.
12:49.8
At least, honest ka.
12:50.6
At least, malagano na natin
12:51.8
sa inyo ni mommy.
12:53.6
Pero, never niyang.
12:54.9
Pero, alam din ang mommy mo?
12:56.3
She was in denial.
12:59.5
Kasi, never ko po silang
13:01.5
pinag-awayin yung mga ganyang
13:03.8
Iniiwas po nila sa akin eh.
13:05.0
Never po nila ako sinasali.
13:06.3
Kaya, ang dami ko po
13:07.7
Sa totoo lang, hypothetically,
13:09.0
pwede ko gamitin yung rason yun
13:10.1
para i-hate yung LGBT.
13:12.0
Kasi, yung tatay ko mismo,
13:13.3
kaya mo yung ginagawa sa akin.
13:14.5
And he's a part of it.
13:15.4
Hindi ko to take yun
13:16.2
kasi I never went on that path.
13:18.2
Yung anger na yun,
13:19.0
hindi ko doon isa-channel yun.
13:20.3
Pero, nangingibago po lagi yung
13:22.3
it's a different story.
13:24.5
na nakasira sa akin.
13:26.1
It's not about the gender
13:27.2
yung nakasira sa akin.
13:28.4
It's about the specific person
13:29.7
na hindi ko pwede
13:30.4
i-include o i-damay
13:32.7
So, kaya nangingibago pa rin
13:34.1
ko yung love with everyone.
13:35.4
So, kung inamin yun earlier
13:37.9
ano magiging take mo?
13:39.0
I'm sure it's gonna be different, mama.
13:40.2
I'm sure it's gonna be
13:42.3
Honestly, coming from a kid, mama,
13:43.5
imagine mo from an 8-year-old kid
13:46.5
sabihin sa isang tao na
13:48.1
pwede yung katatanggapin
13:50.2
And that's what I said.
13:51.0
Never naman magiging issue yun
13:53.7
At least honest ka.
13:54.8
Yun yung importante.
13:55.7
Wala kang tinatago.
13:56.6
Hindi tayo nagtataguan.
13:57.7
Never din naman naging issue yun
13:59.0
sa mga bakla tatay nila.
14:01.6
Di ba? Masarap sa feeling.
14:05.4
Nakakatuwa si Miggy
14:06.7
kasi papunta rito
14:07.8
kala ko saan siya nagpark.
14:09.2
Hindi po ako nagpark.
14:10.6
Nag-angkas lang ako.
14:12.7
Proud po ako dumama.
14:14.3
Lagi ka nag-angkas?
14:15.3
Lagi. Lagi po yan.
14:16.5
Ay, even may kotse,
14:18.4
ako na po mismo nagasabi na
14:20.0
hindi, angkas lang ako.
14:20.9
Joyride mo na ako.
14:21.4
Mas pabilis, mas mura.
14:22.3
Anong pumapasok po yung practicality ko
14:25.4
Na, oh nga, hulas ka nga lang.
14:26.8
Pero, kaya naman gawa na para
14:28.1
magre-ready ka lang ng damit
14:29.2
or issue mo, wipes mo,
14:31.4
makeup remover, makeup mo.
14:33.3
Tsaka, I hate being late.
14:34.5
So, pinakatakot ako laging malate
14:36.5
kasi I try to think of people's time also,
14:39.3
not just my time.
14:40.3
I don't want to waste anyone's time.
14:41.8
Bakit ganun si Miggy?
14:43.5
Ikaw ba humahok ng pera mo?
14:45.3
Meron kang pinaglalaanan,
14:47.9
Paano mo binabudget yung kinikita mo?
14:50.5
siguro ever since 2020 started,
14:52.3
ako na po yung humahok ng money ko
14:54.0
after graduating.
14:55.2
Kasi my mom used to help me
14:56.6
with tuition fee.
14:58.5
actually, super grateful po
15:01.0
at malaking ng utang na loob ko sa kanya.
15:02.7
Pero, at the same time,
15:04.8
how to be street smart
15:07.2
May usapan po kami,
15:08.2
nagkaroon po kami
15:08.8
ng deal niya ni mommy na
15:09.9
hindi ka kukuha ng desensyo
15:11.3
until you graduate.
15:12.9
pwede kong itakas yung kotse,
15:14.4
pag-gumimik ako, ganyan.
15:17.4
hindi, para may experience mo
15:19.3
commute, commute lang din ako.
15:20.3
So, as time goes by,
15:23.0
Kailangan ko po yung sense of na
15:25.2
kung bakit hindi niya ako
15:26.0
pinakuha ng desensyo.
15:28.1
kung malaman ko yung mga sikot-sikot,
15:29.7
mag-commute, mag-MRT,
15:33.4
So, malaking bagay po yun
15:35.4
nadadala ko po siya ngayon.
15:36.7
So, para as much as possible
15:37.7
na kaya magtipid,
15:39.2
So, hindi kailangan
15:41.1
kahit may pera kang kaya
15:43.4
So, sa 16 years mo,
15:45.2
ano na ang naipundar
15:48.2
which is nakatulong po
15:49.3
na pag-graduatein din
15:50.3
yung mga kapatid ko.
15:51.5
Which, I was young.
15:52.7
I was working also.
15:54.4
nakabili na rin ng kotse.
15:57.0
And at the same time,
15:58.2
kulang na lang is
16:00.6
Yun yung pinaka goal.
16:02.4
So, papayag ang mom mo
16:03.9
na magsarili ka na?
16:05.4
Nakakausap ko naman po siya.
16:07.2
medyo siyempre nahihirapan lang siya
16:08.4
kasi she wants to be with me
16:09.7
as much as possible.
16:10.6
Pero, she has to understand also na
16:15.8
I think it's about time.
16:17.4
no pressure rin naman po siya.
16:19.0
basta as long as kaya mo
16:20.0
magbayad lahat ng mga fees na yan,
16:22.7
So, 16 years mo dito
16:24.2
sa business na to,
16:27.4
to witness my journey?
16:28.6
Oh, yung may dad.
16:29.7
Yung dad ko po siguro,
16:33.0
and admiring me from,
16:35.7
Siya po talaga yung rason ko
16:36.6
bakit ko ginagawa to
16:37.4
in the first place.
16:38.5
Doing commercials
16:42.4
Dad ko po yung laging
16:47.9
now I just realized na
16:49.2
kung hindi rin dahil sa kanya,
16:50.8
I'm sure I'm doing another
16:56.6
With my family rin po kasi.
16:58.6
So, my mom and dad
17:01.6
hindi ko lang po talaga
17:03.0
Kasi he was working abroad
17:04.7
when he got here,
17:06.1
he used to do theater,
17:07.4
He has a lot of passion.
17:08.8
Pero, I'm not seeing that
17:09.9
because I was young.
17:11.2
so bata po talaga ako.
17:12.4
So, wala akong kamalay-malay
17:14.7
Nami-miss mo dad?
17:17.7
ang tinitreat mo.
17:20.5
hindi man naging okay
17:21.4
yung relationship po namin.
17:23.1
But, I'm very grateful.
17:24.6
Kahit ang daming tanong,
17:25.7
ang dami pang tanong,
17:26.8
ang dami pang kailangan
17:27.9
sana i-discuss with him.
17:29.2
Hindi ko na nabigay
17:29.7
sa sarili ko yan.
17:31.4
ng kanyang pagkamatay?
17:43.5
He was shot dead.
17:59.4
Kasi, hindi na namin siya...
18:01.4
Hindi na namin siya...
18:02.2
Wala na ako alam sa kanya.
18:03.3
Wala na kami alam sa kanya
18:04.6
we nag-separate na
18:05.6
for a long years na
18:06.6
sa ibang bahay na siya na...
18:09.1
Sa ibang bahay na siya na...
18:09.5
Sa ibang bahay na siya na...
18:09.8
Sa ibang bahay na siya na...
18:09.9
Sa ibang bahay na siya nakatira.
18:10.4
Doon siya nakatira ko.
18:11.0
Saan kami nakatira?
18:12.0
And then kami na sa ibang place.
18:13.4
So, with all the hate
18:14.5
na parang nabibigay ko na lang
18:16.5
kasi yun yung naramdaman
18:17.5
like I can't blame myself,
18:18.9
Kasi galit ako eh.
18:19.8
Yun yung naparamdam mo sa akin.
18:21.3
So, when he passed away,
18:23.3
kung paano hahandi yan.
18:24.3
Kasi we don't know
18:25.9
I don't know my dad anymore.
18:28.4
nung nabalitaan yun
18:31.1
nag-sync in ba sa'yo
18:32.0
o anong initial reaction?
18:33.7
Nung nalaman ko siya,
18:35.7
I remember vividly
18:37.3
it was 7 a.m. in the morning.
18:39.2
Alam ko may pasok ako
18:40.7
Pagkatok niya, sabi ko,
18:45.2
Si daddy, ganyan.
18:46.7
Nag-baril sa ospital.
18:51.1
bakit ka umiiyak?
18:53.1
I remember that, mama.
18:54.5
Sususubang galit ko.
18:59.6
sa mga minod sila,
19:02.6
Hindi ako sasama.
19:04.0
May pasok pa ako.
19:07.3
Ganon ka katigas?
19:08.1
Ganon ako katigas.
19:09.2
At get sila lahat yun
19:10.2
kung bakit ako galit.
19:12.2
tulog ako ulit, mama.
19:14.8
na medyo nakatulog na ako
19:17.3
at the back of my head,
19:18.7
saan hindi totoo.
19:19.7
Kahit ganito yung naramdaman ko,
19:21.2
saan hindi totoo.
19:23.2
pag-check ko ng phone ko yun,
19:30.0
sinisi ko rin yung sarili ko.
19:31.8
Ang kasalanan ko ba
19:32.6
na naging matigas ako
19:33.8
na hindi ko siya binigyan ng chance?
19:35.2
At the same time,
19:36.1
everyone was telling me
19:36.9
na huwag ko sisihin sa sarili ko
19:39.4
Parang kung ano man maramdaman ko,
19:40.6
yung naramdaman ko.
19:41.7
Kasi wala pa ako sa tamang isip.
19:43.7
Hindi pa ako marunong mag-consider
19:45.2
ng naramdaman ng iba.
19:47.4
specifically my dad.
19:48.8
he was my worst heartbreak.
19:51.7
Ba't gano'n na lang
19:52.3
ang galit mo sa dati mo?
19:53.7
Because I felt like he was okay.
19:55.8
He was okay na wala ako.
19:57.0
Wala ako sa buhay niya.
19:57.9
Wala kami sa buhay niya.
20:01.8
he was doing fine.
20:03.9
Kasi I was young.
20:06.7
ang dami pang kailangan gabay
20:08.9
parang yun yung mga times
20:10.3
na iniisip ko lahat.
20:11.3
Maramdaman ko tama.
20:12.3
So parang iniisip ko lang,
20:15.1
bakit ako mamamblema sa taong ito?
20:16.7
Ano bang ginawa ko?
20:19.5
Kung meron man dapat
20:20.1
bigyan ng pansin dito,
20:21.5
Yun po yung thinking ko
20:23.0
Pero nung nawala siya,
20:24.7
Doon ko lang naririnig.
20:25.5
hindi pa ako tapos magalit sa'yo eh.
20:27.3
Hindi pa ako tapos magalit sa'yo.
20:29.5
bakit nga yun ba?
20:31.2
hindi pa ako nagagalit sa'yo.
20:32.4
Hindi pa ako nagalit sa kanya
20:33.9
ever since it happened.
20:35.0
Naghiwalay po si mama.
20:35.9
Never pa ako nagalit sa kanya.
20:36.8
Hindi pa naibuhos yung galit.
20:38.2
Wala, wala, wala, wala, mama.
20:40.4
hindi ko malang narinig yung side mo.
20:42.2
He was reaching out ba?
20:45.4
and aminado po ako doon na
20:46.6
binablock off ko talaga siya.
20:48.0
Ikaw ang hindi nagbigyan ng chance sa kanya.
20:51.5
I feel so bad about that.
20:53.8
Kahit naman hindi kami maging okay.
20:55.9
Sana binigyan ko man lang siya ng chance
20:57.5
na mag-explain sa naramdaman niya.
20:59.9
Bit-bit mo yan sa dibdib mo
21:01.3
na feeling mo kasalanan mo
21:02.7
o may kasalanan ka somehow
21:04.3
dahil hindi mo siya nabigyan ng chance.
21:06.7
siguro mamahili na masyado.
21:08.3
Siguro kasi dahil
21:09.2
minsan may mga days lang na
21:10.6
kinakausap ko siya.
21:11.6
Na I'm saying sorry
21:12.6
and doon ako hirap eh.
21:14.0
Yun yung mga times na iniisip ko mga
21:15.8
ang hirap patawarin ng taong
21:17.2
ang taong wala na.
21:18.1
Na hindi man lang kayo nakapag-uusap
21:19.7
o nakapang-sorry sa isa't isa.
21:21.2
Kasi I never got a sorry as well.
21:22.8
Kaya malakas yung galit ko siguro mama.
21:25.5
hindi ako nakakuha ng sorry din.
21:27.2
So parang baka yun din siguro yung hinahanap ko.
21:30.6
hindi lang lang lagi nilinamayin sa akin
21:31.8
ng mga kapatid ko na
21:33.7
Ano pang gagawin natin sa galit mo?
21:35.4
Ano pang gagawin natin sa...
21:36.6
So we have to forgive and forget
21:38.4
para mapatahimik talaga siya.
21:39.9
So meron ka bang dapat
21:41.1
naihingi ng sorry sa kanya?
21:42.4
Hindi ko siya binigyan ng chance
21:43.7
na makausap ako na maayos.
21:45.4
Or kahit maging sincere man lang.
21:47.0
Kasi parang every time na makikita ko siya,
21:49.2
mapatiin ko siya pero hindi ko siya chichikahin.
21:51.3
I'm gonna make sure na,
21:52.7
oh kasama kita sa kwartong to
21:56.2
But I'm gonna make sure na wala ka dito.
21:58.1
Na wala ka sa isip ko
21:59.3
na kunyari wala ka dito.
22:01.0
Somehow meron kang nag-guilty ka?
22:03.9
Yun yung mga questions na
22:05.2
hindi na ever masasagot.
22:06.5
Pero I need to move forward.
22:07.7
I have to do something
22:08.5
kasi I don't wanna be stuck there.
22:09.9
Ayoko po maipit dun sa sitwasyon.
22:11.3
Hindi po ako uusad.
22:12.8
Paano mo ipaiintindi sa mga tao
22:14.9
yung nararamdaman mo towards your dad?
22:17.5
Kasi pwedeng yung iba
22:19.4
i-judge ka nila na
22:22.1
namatay na nga yung tatay niya.
22:23.8
Ika-clarify ko lang mama,
22:25.0
hindi ako galit na.
22:25.9
It's really here.
22:26.7
Kung very emotional lang talaga.
22:28.5
Hindi ka pa nagagalit
22:29.5
kasi bigla ka ng ganit.
22:30.9
Yeah, pero napatawad ko na siya.
22:32.8
And I hope napatawad niya na naku.
22:34.7
Pero hindi na ako galit sa kanya
22:35.9
and I just hope that he's happy
22:37.9
punasan man siya ngayon.
22:39.2
And I just pray to him for guidance.
22:42.1
Kasi nga, I'm sure he's proud.
22:44.0
I'm sure he's super proud
22:45.4
sa kung anong ginagawa ko ngayon.
22:48.4
So, hindi na ako galit sa kanya.
22:50.2
And kung may sasabihin man ako sa mga tao,
22:53.0
it's as long as you have your dad.
22:54.6
Kung alam nyo na pinapatunayan nila
22:56.1
na mahal, mahal, mahal niya kayo.
22:58.1
Sana hindi nyo take for granted yan.
22:59.5
Kasi swerte, swerte nyo.
23:02.7
Yan ba yung ingit mo sa ibang bata
23:04.4
na parang pag inaasikaso yun
23:06.4
sila nung dad nila,
23:08.2
bigla mo magbabalik,
23:09.5
alaala ka sa sarili mo
23:11.2
na nung bata ako?
23:13.0
Yan, nung mga panahon yun,
23:14.2
nung especially nung nabubuhay pa siya,
23:15.9
na parang ingit na ingit ako
23:16.8
kasi iba yung mga tinatanong ko na
23:18.6
ano ba mas mahirap
23:19.6
pag wala na ba yung tatay mo?
23:21.1
O yung nandyan siya
23:21.7
pero wala siyang pakiram sa'yo?
23:22.9
O yun yung lagi kong tanong.
23:25.0
Lagi silang kahimik lang
23:26.1
yung mga tinatanong ko.
23:27.8
Naiingit ako pag nakakita ako
23:29.1
ng mga tender, loving,
23:30.8
affectionate fathers
23:31.7
sa mga anak nila.
23:33.6
mas I accepted it na
23:35.4
ito yung destiny ko.
23:36.5
Ito yung story ako.
23:37.3
Ito yung hinain sa akin.
23:38.8
So wala na po akong oras
23:39.9
para mag-dwell sa mga
23:41.6
sa mga ibang tao.
23:43.1
So parang as much as possible,
23:44.5
I'm grateful to see other people
23:46.8
Sana, sana lang talaga
23:47.7
hawakan nila ng mabuti
23:48.8
yung mga meron at meron pa kayo.
23:50.3
Kahit ano pa yan.
23:51.0
Like ako with my mom,
23:52.8
Hawakan nyo na mabuti
23:53.5
hanggang meron kayo oras.
23:55.5
ang tumatay yung ano?
23:58.3
That's your fear?
23:59.3
Mawala ang mama mo?
24:00.9
Yeah, we do fight.
24:02.6
Yung mga hindi kami magpakahintulihan.
24:03.9
Makulit siya, makulit din ako.
24:05.6
Matigas ulo niya,
24:06.3
matigas tinulo ko.
24:07.2
Pero at the end of the day,
24:08.4
mas importante pa rin siya.
24:09.7
Pag may mga ganyan daw
24:10.6
pangyayari sa buhay,
24:11.6
pagdating ng araw,
24:14.0
magbubuo ka ng pamilya,
24:15.5
ano yung unang-unang mong
24:16.6
i-consider or i-aassure
24:19.5
pag nagka-pamilya ka?
24:21.0
Siguro mama, ano,
24:22.0
hindi mangyayari yung mga nangyayari.
24:23.6
As much as possible,
24:24.2
ilalayo ko po yung sarili ko
24:25.4
sa mga nakasanayan,
24:27.4
I'll try to, you know,
24:28.4
make a new beginning
24:31.5
Fini ko po yun yung lesson doon eh.
24:32.9
Not to be like them.
24:34.0
Not to be like my dad.
24:35.2
Kaya I'm scared to have kids,
24:36.7
especially at this.
24:37.6
Kasi mama, sa totoo lang,
24:38.7
ako hirap na hirap na akong buhay
24:41.2
with this life that we have,
24:42.6
it's so high maintenance.
24:44.2
It's so hard to live
24:45.9
everyday minsan kapag
24:47.4
parang paulut-ulut na nangyayari
24:48.9
yung mga bagay sa araw mo.
24:51.1
It's so hard to have,
24:52.3
you know, the mental health problems.
24:54.0
It's so hard to handle myself already
24:55.5
and have you a kid
24:56.4
if you're not fully ready.
24:58.7
Kaya ang sad lang
24:59.5
ng mga ibang tao lang
25:00.8
na nagkakaroon ng mga anak,
25:02.9
pero hindi kayang sustentuhan.
25:04.2
Hindi kayang bigyan ng attention.
25:08.0
hirap na po akong buhayin
25:09.5
kung may bubuhayin ako
25:10.7
na alam kung cargo ko
25:12.7
But I hope I get,
25:15.3
when I'm fully ready.
25:16.6
Like, fully ready.
25:18.8
anong na-realize mo?
25:19.9
Anong gusto mong i-impart na
25:21.9
lesson or advice sa kanila?
25:24.5
Lagi may solusyon
25:25.3
sa bawat problema
25:26.2
na pwede niyong karapin.
25:27.7
Walang imposible.
25:28.5
Sabi ko nga, mama,
25:29.6
sobrang frustrating na itong
25:30.7
journey ko sa showbiz.
25:32.1
Ang dami ko ng beses na
25:33.2
hinto na ako, hinto na ako.
25:34.6
Walang nangyayari,
25:36.0
As much as you know
25:36.8
kung ano yung gusto mong gawin
25:38.0
or mahal mong gawin,
25:39.8
Kasi ang importante,
25:41.8
Importante, masaya ka.
25:42.5
Gusto mo yung ginagawa mo.
25:44.1
Gets ko na kailangan natin ng pera.
25:45.6
I'm not gonna be hypocrite
25:46.6
na hindi ko kailangan ng pera.
25:48.2
Mas masarap makuha yung pera
25:49.3
na gusto mo yung ginagawa.
25:50.6
Iba yung feeling na yun, mama.
26:00.9
pagdating sa relasyon
26:02.5
ng anak sa magulang,
26:04.0
lalo na sa tatay.
26:05.2
Siguro ito na lang,
26:06.4
kung hindi man okay
26:07.7
yung household nyo,
26:09.2
unang-una sa walang
26:10.7
sa walang perfectong pamilya,
26:11.9
walang perfectong pagsasamahan,
26:13.7
siguro i-remind yun
26:14.7
sa sarili nyo lagi.
26:16.2
Despite the problems
26:17.6
na inaarap nyo ngayon,
26:18.6
siguro pay each other respect
26:19.9
as a human being.
26:21.0
Kung hindi man kaya na
26:22.1
mag-work yung relationship nyo
26:23.1
as a father or anak,
26:24.5
siguro baka pwede nyo
26:25.5
ibigay na lang yung respeto
26:27.1
Malaking bagay na yun.
26:28.5
Thank you for watching!
26:58.5
Thank you for watching!
